There are days which make us question ourselves. There are days when we forget that we too can
win. Then there are days when you are hurt, yet numb and empty.
I sit here, with a small bead of
sweat trickling down my brow, outside a storm rages and in me there is the culmination of nothing.
For a some time now, a pit has grown inside of me. For sometime now I have avoided it. I have made
excuses, perhaps lies to myself. Said to keep a part of me thinking everything is fine. Regardless it
has taken root.
Some time back I lost something. Something which was never mine to begin with. Something which I
never wanted and something which I thought would be ok to loose. The cruel mistress of fate, so
aptly named, wove the threads and with them my misery upon losing, after having it for so long.
Somewhere along the way I got attached to it, somewhere along the way the things I hated about it
were the things I loved. Somewhere, I got the idea that perhaps, perhaps maybe it could be mine.
It took with it a part of me. A part which I gave willingly, offering it up for all to behold with a smile
and happiness one would never see in lambs being led to slaughter. Yet I PRIDE myself on holding
back some parts of me, resisting, doing what it had done from the beginning. Only, it held back all.
I sit here, having tried to put back the jigsaw that is me and failed time and again. Perhaps it took
with it a key part of me. Stories which trickled in my brain from some never ending river have
stopped, happiness which I had in abundunce lost and all the things which I loved were the cost.
I sit here with no idea of what to pen down, yet I know I must. All the anger and the pain staying putt
inside of me, yet I feel nothing, like a drone, moving through the days, hoping the next one, the next
morning when he awakens will be a happy one, where all the hurt will leave replaced by love and
happiness where the empty pit will vanish replaced by a sea of hope. Yet I know that will never
happen, things do not just occur, not for me anyways. You have to work a small amount everyday.
I write this knowing there is a good chance that no one will ever read it, go past it like any other
post, yet maybe it will bring me some amount of hope that somewhere on some block on this long,
long chain I have shared a small part of what I feel, my personal little horcrux.
If someone does read it and can relate, I wish for happiness and laughter to enter your lives and if
they don’t then perhaps the knowledge of knowing that you are not alone.
May you have a good time