To be or not to be,

It's been 8 years fight my dream off. Last year was my sit back with popcorns and movie. A year of a self healing process. Well, not the whole years. Whatever i tried to do i felt that some holes or void. Empty room you might say or something else i'm not quite sure what it is. When ever i tried new things theres always i did or something screwed things up. I'm not complaining or hate but i just wanted to figure it out what was it? what keeping me or hold me back.

sometimes the only way to move forward is to revisit the things in your past that were holding you back.
You have to deal with them head on, no matter how scary they may be. Because once we do, you'll see that you can go further than you ever imagined

I did a few things to revisit my past.

No, im not using Delorean dmc-12 to make it as time travel like Doc Brown, i just looking up my old pictures that i saved thousands of it in my pc. I just don't know where to look at. To be honest, i accept my failure. I accept my ex-dump me. I accept that my college friend used me and betray me. I accept that my ex-company is destroyed by parasite inside it self. I have no longer hate on these things but move forward is the only option i took and i never look back again. Maybe the fear is holding me back. The fear of being cheated, backstab, failure. But i do love failure. I know how to smell if i got cheated and i can control my own fear because i will never talk to the person who ever have the bad characteristics.

Is it my ego?

To be honest, i put my ego down long ago. Ego can't brings you anywhere far as you want it to be. Ego is the key of success in failure. I've been there i know it and i will never take the same path again.

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