It’s the subtle nuances in life that make the difference. Like knowing the difference between serving and pleasing, inspiring and motivating or even a job and a career ( Check out Chris Rock’s hilarious bit on this nuance warning: course language! )
In a sense, understanding nuances is intelligence; the ability to discern similar objects/concepts to make better decisions in life.
So this leads us with the million dollar question, “what is the difference between self-worth and self-esteem?”
Most people tend to bundle the two together as if they are synonymous, and to an extent they are very similar, however, there is one critical nuance that makes all the difference in life.
Self-esteem in the traditional sense is your feelings and thoughts about yourself based on external or extrinsic measures, such as your relative position in society. So someone of high self-esteem would be someone typically seen as successful, such as CEOs, professional athletes, celebrities etc.
Self-worth in the purest sense is your feelings and thoughts about yourself based on internal or intrinsic definitions. People with high self-worth can essentially be anyone since their definition of worth isn’t tied to external factors, and is determined by that individual.
So, the essential difference is self-esteem is defined externally and self-worth is defined internally.
Understanding this nuance is huge! It can mean the difference between a happy and successful life, and one that is unfulfilling and unsuccessful.
Self-esteem is a social construct that prescribes order and status, creating an invisible hierarchy amongst us. So that those with perceived successful professions (i.e. lawyers, doctors, professional athletes) are seen as “high status”. Of course this is just a simplistic example, however, it highlights our tendency as a society to base status on external measures such as profession, possessions and affiliation.
The problem with self-esteem is that it involves measuring oneself against others, which insidiously feeds into the egoist’s notion that you need to overcome or beat others to get ahead in life. Most people want to get to the top and that can mean standing on top of you to get there.
Similarly, it is based on extrinsic factors which leaves your self-esteem vulnerable to fluctuations. Let’s take for example someone who bases their self-esteem on their high-status job. What would happen if that person suddenly loses their job?
Self-esteem stems from the ego, and as you can imagine it isn’t always healthy or leads down a path of success and happiness.
So this leads us with the alternative, self-worth.
Self-worth is defined internally, which means the only person responsible or in control of your self-worth is yourself.
Focusing on self-worth frees you from the shackles of societal enslavement. No longer will you need to tie your value as a human being to this chaotic and corrupt construct. No longer will you let your value be victim to the vicissitudes of life. You are free to do and become whatever you want.
You see, people with high self-worth never need to prove themselves to anyone but themselves. They don’t let anyone else undermine or define their value, they simply work on building it themselves. Irrespective of their circumstances, their self-worth remains mostly intact, as opposed to someone whose self-esteem that be crushed in a moment.
If you ever met someone with high self-worth, you will know that they exude this aura of confidence and calm, as if they are surrounded by an ocean of peace. There is no ego, agenda, or stress. They are a human being rather than a human doing. (Of course this is the quintessential high self-worth individual and not a self-deluded egomaniac!)
Now that we have a greater understanding of the nuances between the two self-concepts, how we you build self-worth?
It really comes down to your set of beliefs or should I say convictions that you hold about yourself. These unshakeable convictions are determined by yourself, not by anyone else. This is the key difference. Where self-esteem is a result of imposed beliefs upon you, self-worth is a decision to accept and embrace certain convictions that define you as a human being.
This may seem vague, and it is supposed to be as your convictions and beliefs are unique to you.
Self-worth to a large degree, involves discovering your individual purpose or mission in life, and then living it. It’s not about doing what your parents want you to do or what makes you the most money, this is self-esteem’s purpose. You’ve got to truly know and understand yourself first and foremost, then decide on the convictions you live by. Only then, you can start building your self-worth.
Some questions that can help are:
• How can I contribute to this world in a way that I enjoy?
• What excites and challenges me to grow?
• What would I love to do if there was no such thing as money or status?
If you still don’t know your purpose or mission in life, don’t worry, you’ve got your whole life to find out. Take your time, and learn to listen to your inner voice, instead of letting it get drowned out by the voices of others.
In the end, it’s a subtle nuance, however, it makes a huge impact on the way you live your life. Focus on building self-esteem and you will be at the mercy of society, however, if you strive to build your self-worth, you will experience freedom that attracts happiness and success.
So let go of the validation that comes from self-esteem, you are worth it~
Self-worth versus Self-esteem
The difference between Self-worth and Self-esteem
Photos via Visual Hunt
Photo by Andrew Worley on Unsplash
Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash
