Growing up in an African home there were some conversations you just didn't have with your parents.
One of them was sex.
When a child asked about where babies came from, the answer was frequently a joke, a warning or a "you're too young to know" response.
If a teenager had been observed 'talking too close' to the opposite sex, he/she was warned to remain distant, but a relatively small number of parents gave explanations as to why. It was presumed that fear would teach them.
Sadly, fear isn't always a good teacher and I feel sorry for our parents but not all the blame is theirs.
Many of them were farmed in a similar manner. They were raised in a society that considered it disrespectful or even a way to promote immoral acts to talk openly about sex. Silence seemed to be the protection that many families were offered.
However, today's world is a vastly different place than what our parents' generation experienced.
The child does not have to wait until secondary school to have heard of sex. They have access to information from a young age, and whether it's good or bad, its all at their fingertips with their smartphone, television, social media and internet.
If parents don't speak up someone else will do the speaking.
The issue is if that teacher will be held accountable.
That's why I don't think there should be one grandparent "sex talk".
instead I feel there should be many discussions that are appropriate to the age and understanding of the child and at a very young age, the discussion needs to be about body safety and privacy, and that no one is allowed to touch children in ways that make them feel uncomfortable. They should be aware that they do not have to fear reporting anyone who crosses those boundaries.
Unfortunately, this lesson is particularly relevant in many African communities where there is significant underreporting of abuse as children may fear that it won't be taken seriously or families may fear their child will be sent away or that it will bring shame to the family.
The conversation should “catch up” as children get older.
Parents should discuss puberty, relationships, consent, peer pressure and responsibility for intimacy. These discussions need not take place at once. Indeed, they are far more likely to be effective if they occur over the years.
I hope we give kids the same message we give adults: Don't talk about sex; don't get it.
By itself, information does not lead to temptation.
Ignorance creates vulnerability.
Knowing their body and their boundaries will help a child to prevent harm from happening to themselves, as will only being told ‘don't do it'.
I also think that both the father and the mother are crucial in the community.
In African households these discussions are often only the domain of mothers and the fathers feel uncomfortable or are not in charge.
However, children require parental advice and guidance.
A dad can give his son examples of respect, responsibility and healthy masculinity.
He is also able to demonstrate to his daughter what proper male treatment is like.
Similarly, mothers are individual with their own views which assist kids to deal with emotional and physical changes without any hesitation.
Factual, age appropriate information about health and development can be provided within the school setting to support these lessons. But they cannot be parents. It is the parent's responsibility to instill values, beliefs, and wisdom into the child, and it is the school that will give the information.
When I become a parent at some point in my life, I don't want my kids to be afraid of asking me questions that are a challenge.
I'd prefer to have an honest conversation that's a bit uncomfortable than have social media, gossip or strangers to tell them what they think of such a significant matter.
Sex education is not necessarily just talking about sex.
It's about trust.
It's about safety.
Raising children to be confident enough to make wise choices and secure enough to come home when things get tough.
One of the most important lessons that African families can take is that:
The custom might have been to be quiet.
But today's conversation should be a bout what pur kids needs to be protected from.
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