To feel your emotions it's to act on your emotions, it is impossible to just feel a certain thing like anger and remain passive to it.
Emotions are simply caused by your body secreting certain hormones or neurotransmitters, that tell your body that now it is the time to spend some energy, to accomplish a certain goal. In the case of anger is to accomplish safety.
Your vices are simply cathartic release of anger whenever you can't reach a resolution. If you are going to Express your anger in a righteous way you can't do the cathartic release without resolution.
The old advice from various self help books, that if you want to get rid of your vices, you simply have to stay with the pain behind the vice. Is simply incomplete and wrong.
Pain is designed to make you take action, whenever you feel pain, if you are going to listen to your body. It is time for action.
As we are designed to respond to threats by fighting or fleing. If you have problem expressing your anger it is because you have gotten used to flee the confruntations.
Which keeps you in a state of constant emotional pain under the form of anxiety.
In some situations it is best to avoid confruntations because there is no way for you to Winn.
It is very likely that you found yourself in situations where it was impossible for you to Winn in the past, and this is why you got used to constantly run away.
In the past you might have been running from real consequences, today you are running away from the pain brought to you by the memory of your past abuse, and helplessness.
If you are going to change this situation, you need your pain. The pain is what is making you to take action, trying to avoid the pain is what is causing you to be passive.
I am not saying to stay home laying on the couch in emotional pain trying not to relapse on your vices.
If you have suppressed anger for a long period of time like I had, it is like you are in constant pain, it is just a matter for you to stop your distractions and the pain will be there shortly.
Bringing that pain into your confruntations is what is going to cause you to move from constantly running to fighting.
Because now you run away from the pain rather than real consequences, connecting with the pain first before you act will eliminate the insentiv to run away, because you are already in pain in the present.
So the only way to stop the pain is to do something about it. Not to say that it is impossible at any point to go back into flight, but know you know at least in theory how to switch to fight again.
This might take you multiple tries and a few relapses, it is important to remain persistent. After all it is a fight and most fights are won by the last man standing.
