Hi. My name is Heavenly Doms. I am currently 19 years old, turning 20 on March the 2nd. 🎉 🎊
I originally come from Belgium 🇧🇪, a little country in Europe. I lived there in a little town called Hoogstraeten for 13 years of my life.
Right now, almost 7 years later, it feels like I’ve lived here in South-Africa forever... Almost as if I never even lived in Belgium. It’s such a far away memory. It’s crazy! However Belgium still has a huge part of my part.
You might be wondering why we moved from Belgium to South-Africa🤔...
Well we moved because my mother is South-African, so her side of the family stays in South-Africa obviously. It got to a stage where we all wanted to move to South-Africa and experience life there, it was also a door opened by God. You will fully understand what I mean by that in a minute. Just keep reading 👀...
Just to recap quick, I have a South-African mother and a Belgian father and my two siblings (brother & sister). Born and raised in Belgium but moved to South-Africa at age 13.
Was it tough? Yes! Was it an adventure? Definitely! The culture shock was real! I had my fantasies about moving to South-Africa and so moving to an English speaking country seemed very exciting to me. English speaking schools is the only thing I saw on Disney Channel😂. High School Musical being my favorite, I glorified the idea of moving to a place where I’d be communicating in English.
I had created this idea where I imagined my new journey to be like High School Musical. 😂 I know, crazy right?
But oh boy, was I wrong!😅
And because I had such unrealistic expectations of what I thought it was going to be, the experience was harder than expected. Much harder. I struggled at first. New country, new school, new language, new people, new mentality and culture... It all sank in. Maybe this is not going to be as smooth and exciting as I originally thought 💭.
The first school I went to, 2 months after arriving, was a public school named Robert Carruthers School.
I dealt with a lot of hard times there. A lot of growing pains. Growing in a new place. I felt very out of place at first, as people spoke, acted and thought differently to what I was used to back in Belgium. But I adapted eventually. It wasn’t easy but I got there. Eventually.
Let’s move on from this little part of my life and fast forward to when I was about 16, in high school and used to the south-African ways of life.
2014 was the year in which I turned 16. It was by far the worst year of my life. I will explain why...
My father would sometimes go to Belgium to make some extra money and then come back to South-Africa after a week or so.
There was one day where he told us, he feels he should go to Belgium for 3 whole months to make extra money. My little brother was devastated by this as he was going to have to miss his dad for a whole 3 months and my father was his hero. Especially because they were the only two boys in the house amongst 3 girls.
My brother had wrote him a little letter and put it on the fridge and came to terms with the fact that my father was going to go but that he would be back.
And so one month passed by, it was getting closer for his return.
Or, so we thought....
I will never forget this day, I remember it clearly.
I was sitting in my room, chilling as usual. I heard my mother and father speaking on the phone, FaceTiming. Which happened frequently when he was gone. But this time was different.
I heard shock in my mother’s voice, she was crying. I knew my father had bad news.
I never expected this. I was shocked. I kept silent.
Over the years my father and I never had a great relationship but I never in a million years thought he would do this...
He never planned on returning back to South-Africa. He left. & for good this time.
The phone call was goodbye. He wants out. He wanted a divorce.
My mother convinced him to stay but he wasn’t having it. He had made up his mind. Right after that phone call she called my uncle and told him what had just happened. And soon the whole family knew. My mother came to our rooms to tell us the bad news.
My sister and I were in shock and didn’t say much. My brother bursted out in tears. He experienced the ultimate heartbreak from a very young age, he was about 10 years old. And seeing that was heartbreaking.
That same day the whole family came to our house to see how we are doing and prayed for us, prayed for him to come back.
He never did.
It was never in Gods plan. Not because God’s plan is ever a divorce but because He knew that my father had to make that change in his heart and knew that he wouldn’t for many years. He has something better for my mother and better for us.
Now almost 4 years later, we found out about a lot of things. He was so eager to leave because he had someone else for quite some time. Those visits to Belgium wasn’t just for money, it was for his double life. He build a new life and family for himself that side now, with his 20 year younger girlfriend and two kids.
I’m in no way bashing him, I remain in love towards him despite the many lies and pain he caused. However there’s no running away from the truth. And this is my story. He’s not an evil person, he just allowed his wounds from his past to creep in and affect the decisions he made and is still making. I pray for him and wish him the best.
It took me a while to fully forgive him. But I did. I still get angry sometimes, but it’s a process.
Since he left, we are all doing really good now. God has really kept us in His hands during that horrible time. He has blessed us and brought us a lot of joy.
During that time, I also had to deal with many rumors that were going around about me. You know how high school goes. Jealous teenage girls and immature teenage boys... But this happened at a time where the emotions of my father leaving and coming back for a week to fetch all his stuff was going on.
My father was a total different person that week. It was scary. He had changed his whole persona. He was very arrogant and bitter. Very depressing to be around.
The same day that we had to meet up with him was the same day that a guy in my high school came to me and told me some pretty mean and harsh stuff.
When we got to my dad, I just bursted out in tears. He asked me why I was crying and I told him what happened and that I just can’t take it anymore. Everything is just one big mess. Well that’s what it seemed like at the time.
That week I also had some other complications with some friends and that was the cherry on top of the damn cake for me.
Sorrow consumed my mind. I’ve never felt so sad before in my life! My face felt swollen from how much I cried that night. I looked at myself in my bathroom mirror and cried out to God: “God please take me now!” I don’t want to be alive. I can’t take this anymore. I understand why some people commit suicide because sometimes it just feels like there’s no hope left in life.
It just all felt too much...
So yes 2014 was definitely not a pretty one. But we survived it and grew from it. Looking back now we’re grateful to God for intervening and lifting us up higher.
This was a little part of my story. There is another whole part in my story. Not related to this however. But more about this issues I struggled with within myself for many years. If you want a part 2 to My Story, then please let me know in the comments below and I’d love to share that with you.
Again, this story was not about bashing my father, it’s about potentially helping someone that went through the same or a similar experience and to just create hope to someone who is maybe still going through a similar situation. Just to remind that person that there is hope and there is light on the other side. But in order to get to that light we need to let go of ourselves and hold on to God. He does renew our strength and does give us joy.
It’s not the end of the world, just a beginning to a new one.
Don’t see it as the end, see it as New Beginnings. That’s ultimately what it is.
God is with the broken & the weary. Be still and know He is God.
I hope you guys got to know me a bit better. Cheers❤️.
