So yesterday, I was going to do a post on my thoughts on Time, but obviously, that did not happen. I planned to do it in the evening, but then I decided to spend some time on Reddit, and before I knew it, it was long at night,I got tired, and in the end, I never did do it .And when that happens,it feels like as if a small part of you died. Another piece of evidence of your inability to do anything useful with the time you have.So, since I'm a God-level procrastinator,I just decided to write about that.
Procrastination, is a problem that I have faced for a large part of my life. It's actually not a problem I've had my whole life, although to be honest, it's been with me so long I don't remember how I was when I lived without it.It feels like something that will never leave you. What's even more depressing, is the fact that it's totally possible to procrastinate on things that you actually love to do, that you're passionate about. It's not just about the things you hate. For example, I love coming here, on Steemit. I love reading about stuff. I love to hang out in the MSP(Minnow Support Project) discord. But for something I love doing,the rarity with which I do it, is depressing.
Meanwhile, the rest of the world feels like it's bulldozing ahead. Starting businesses, getting degrees, completing assignments.
So, you have a week to prepare for a test. Now, you could start right now, but your friend wants to hang out. You don't meet that friend a lot these days, because now he lives in a different city. But today, he's here. So you meet him. I mean, sure, the syllabus for the test is humongous, but what's the difference between 7 and 6 days? Then, the next day, you remember that you had to give an assignment tomorrow. So you do that instead. That only takes a few hours, but after doing that, you don't feel like opening a book, much less studying.5 days remaining. Today, you decide that you'll finally start, but today, your favorite Youtuber drops a dope video. You watch it, then watch it again because the background music is so good, and then you bingewatch all of that creator's videos. By the time you're done, it's night, and you've become tired. It's surprising how tired you can get by wasting your time doing nothing..
So now, there's 4 days left. Now you're worried. You stress about the amount of time you've wasted when you could be preparing for the test. You had a 90% score as your goal for the test, but now, it's time to face reality. You cut down that goal to passing marks. But then, you look at the goal, and then you think,"Oh. passing marks doesn't sound that difficult. Hey, I did barely any preparation for the last test, and yet I passed! I can do the same thing this time too!" And besides, there's that great concert that's going to be held today. You could go there instead.So you go there.3 days remaining. The next day, you think you're going to start, but then you remember, there's a conference going on in college about something you're interested in. And of course, you HAVE to go there, because you love the speaker. And besides, it's only for a few hours.You can always start preparing when you're home right? So you go to the conference. But like any other conference, it gets delayed,and extended. You come home, and then you spend the rest of the evening thinking about what the speaker said, particularly the parts you disagree with. 2 days remaining. Now you're really worried. The test has become a constant thought in your mind. You go through the syllabus, and then you find out the topics that are REALLY important, and decide that you're going to study just those things. Aaah. Now the goal looks attainable. Actually....it's almost too easy. 2 days and just those things to study? Well, that sounds doable. Lets...do it in a few hours. Scratch that, lets do it in the evening. Evening comes and goes, and you do nothing, because it's too easy.1 day remaining. Now the test has become a persistent dark, scary cloud in your mind, a cloud that you can't remove your mind. You think about how difficult some of the topics are. Then you think about how much your friends, and everyone else must have prepared, and you break down from the stress. You do nothing that day. The next day is the test of the test. You glance through the book, try and remember whatever you can, and vomit it out in the test. Hopefully, whatever you've written is right.
And there goes another horrible trainwreck of an exam.
To be a Good Procrastinator, you must be exceptionally good at lying to yourself. At getting yourself to believe things that even you know to be completely false.And of course, you also have to tell other people lies, but everyone can do that. It's the dishonesty towards yourself that leads to procrastination. And that is something I have become very good at. Even with this post. As I write this, it's 12.14 AM. Not because I had anything meaningful to do earlier in the evening, but because I kept putting it off,because I thought it could be done later. I procrastinated about writing a post about procrastination. So deep
Eventually, you begin to live your whole life procrastinating about doing things, and then doing them sloppily at the last moment. You actually begin to test how late you can start doing something and still get an acceptable result. Eventually, you forget your life as it was before procrastination...
I'll continue my thoughts on Procrastination in part 2, when I have stopped procrastinating about it....
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