I ended up finally dealing with one of the ”Doom Piles” on my desk today.
I'm not sure whether doom piles are something that exists in everybody's lives, or whether it's something that's specific to those of us afflicted with ADHD. Or maybe it's an ”executive dysfunction” thing. Doesn't really matter.
Fact remains that I tend to end up with these piles of papers, mail and other stuff on my desk that are basically made-up of random things that are too small to make a category of their own. Think of it as the ”junk drawer” of piles on a desk.
I have been a fairly severe procrastinator for about as long as I can remember. And ”as long as I can remember” stretches back to homework in grade school, and practicing for sporting events, and doing my taxes and pretty much anything else. I could never really bring myself to do anything until it was right up against the deadline; when it became increasingly evident that I would end up coming across as a complete idiot unless I started right now.
In most cases I was able to rake the coals out of the fire and create a quite respectable result by jamming it out in the last few hours before it was due.
The jury is out with respect to whether or not this is the result of laziness, or a result of the fact that I have just never been much inclined to do things unless there is a sense of urgency attached to them.
As I have alluded to previously, my natural state tends to be sitting still. I really enjoy doing nothing. I have never particularly liked the state of ”being busy.” I think that also has something to do with the fact that I have never found something that is my ”true calling.” At least not by the definition that I have been given for callings, which is that it's something you really feel compelled to do whether you're getting paid for it or not, and whether you're busy or not.
I have been presented with trying to identify a calling from the perspective of somebody saying ”well, what if you had a life in which all your bills and basic needs were taken care of without you having to do anything, and there was always money in the bank, what would you do with your time?”
And I pretty much returned back to the same thing as I always have: pretty much nothing. It's something I became aware of originally when but I still had a life where occasionally I would go on vacation. Vacation for me was not about going out and seeing a bunch of things, and doing a bunch of things, and visiting a bunch of people… it was about being able to sit still for three weeks and not have to think or do anything.
I also had someone ask me to describe my ideal type of work... and my response was something along the lines of "Give me a bunch of boxes with messy random content, lock me in a room with them for three months, don't talk to me or bother me, and I'll hand the contents back to you in a meaningful and relevantly sorted fashion at the end."
On more than a few occasions, I've been told that there is ”definitely something wrong” with me because that's how I feel.
As a counterpoint, I submitted the possibility that just like we have people in life who are like a perpetual Energizer Bunnies who never stop moving, why wouldn't there be people at the opposite end of the scale?
Do I think I would truly do nothing if there was no need for me to earn a living and participate in the various activities that allegedly are required of somebody who is a ”civilized” human being?
I would probably continue writing. I would play with my cats. I would take photographs of things. I'd grow things in my garden. I might work on my stamp collection. I'd probably still paint on rocks.
So I wouldn't exactly be doing absolutely nothing. I just wouldn't be doing anything that has value to society, at least through the lens of perception of what people are interested in and what people pay money for.
But bringing the bunny back around, I managed to clear my primary doom pile of my desk today. This involved hours of data entry, sorting things, opening envelopes with bills that I'm not able to pay, sorting some tax documents and a few other things.
Do I feel a sense of accomplishment? Not really. I feel more of a sense of relief; happiness that I won't have to do that again for at least a few months.
Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your week!
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2026.09.23 23:10 PDT
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