Exactly a week ago, I went to a follow-up appointment in a local government hospital's pediatric department with my youngest son who is 2 years old for his hypothyroidism check after he was weaned off his meds 3 months ago.
The reason I was very anxious to go at such a time was our daily cases in Malaysia hit 13k per day at that time and it went up to 17k yesterday. So I tried calling to reschedule it twice but to no avail as they say he needs to go in.
So we went with a face shield and a mask each. I was wearing a KN95 while he wore a KF94 to ensure as much protection as I could for both of us. The registration and payment was very fast. The weighing and height measurement station was fast too. Though I could tell he was abit upset after the weight taking cos he needed to stand on the scale by himself.
When the doctor finally called us for our turn, he went in on the stroller and the doctor started to ask me on hia speech and understanding progress. Praise God his thyroid level is fine without the medicine now. However when the doctor asked him directly to point to his eyes and other body parts, he started a one-hour meltdown which lasted all the way till we got home. It was really bad. He removed his face shield and mask and started crying and screaming. To which, I had to wheel him out as the doctor could not focus in typing her report. So I tried all the things I brought for him: water, snacks, books, drawing pads but none worked. He went on and on wailing. Until the first doctor's superior who is a child specialist had to come out.
So, he tried to speak to me while we walk my boy in the stroller who was still wailing and screaming. At this point, everyone was looking at us. We went few rounds and he asked if I want to start speech therapy for him but I am not keen. Then finally he told my boy, "Okay you win liao, no need to come anymore." Though I was overwhelmed by his crying, I could not help but perhaps thank him for the crazy cry haha. Because we do realize he tends to meltdown after hospital visits. Well it was not as serious with his dad the previous time when he drew blood but I guess he needed to just express it all out since his mum was there.
Then the crying still went on and on. He struggled and did not let me take him out of the stroller seat or to carry him to comfort him. Thus, I was feeling very helpless and overwhelmed which I took few days to process and recover from the emotional exhaustion.
2 days later, I got informed on mysejahtera app that I have become a casual contact to something detected positive for Covid-19. I am very sure it was the hospital visit because I went no where before that. Casual contact means I was present at the same place with someone positive yet may not be in the exact same space. However due the virus being airborne I did worry for some days as the little boy was crying with mouth wide opened yet without mask, you see.
Upon reaching home, his dad took over and he slowly calmed down to nap. I was so tired and wanted to nap too but I couldn't. The overwhelmed feeling made me wanted to cry and yet I could not. I dont know if it was because of the hospital visit's build-up stress prior to it or was it his non-stop crying and me having to pin him down in his car seat or was it my relief that finally this chapter of hospital follow up visits can be closed since he was 1.5 months old. Maybe it was everything. I also was super heart sick to see him cried until his eyes were all puffed up and swollen. My poor boy. Anyway, I would prefer he express his emotions rather than bottling them up. I could tell he was suppressing them until that moment.
This is me writing this down as a record somewhere. Now thank God that it is finally over.