And I'm not expecting to hear them any time soon. Giphy

Me when someone spoils a movie. Giphy

My students the day before grades are due. Giphy

Thank you! Giphy Sadly what she meant is that she is here to kick me in the balls.

Someone really needs to tell her that she's doing it wrong before her girlfriend leaves her. Giphy

When you go to the beach with the whole family and your mother-in-law decides to wear a bikini. Giphy

So I asked my wife if she wanted anything. Giphy Ummmm I meant from the grocery store.

Not him. Me. Giphy And its not because my wife looks like her. It's because I was lucky enough to marry a woman who doesn't give a shit about this freaking wedding!

Me trying to pull out my own eyes after reading 12 terrible essays in a row. Giphy

When you realize you sent that "special" picture to your boss instead of your wife. Giphy And he responds with this. source

A sure sign of the onset of dementia is when you hold it with one hand and shake the other. Giphy

My wife's reaction when she realizes I somehow convinced her that me going to Vegas with my buddies is a good idea. Giphy

If by "this" you mean your chest... Giphy then allow me.

When the eighth kid asks me to go to the bathroom during class. Giphy

She sent me this picture of herself. And I show up to this. And she's the one who is disappointed? How ugly am I? (Come on magic 8 ball!)

This probably isn't the best thing to say to your two kids. Giphy

Sarah Jessica Parker has made the leap to full fledged unicorn! Giphy

After years of suppressing it, you suddenly remember the time you found that box of "special toys" under your parents' bed. Giphy

Me grading my students’ essays.

So one of my former students came back to reminisce about the time he spent in my class... Giphy Makes it all worth while.