Have you ever been part of a Secret Santa ring? Someone in the office asks if you want to be part of a Secret Santa syndicate whose shared goal is to stress you out about what you can possibly buy for the $20 limit set on the gift that you didn't even want to give in the first place? Of course they make sure to ask you in front of others just to make sure you'll look like a complete asshat if you say "no". They then proceed to stalk and ask everyone else in the office until all of you are locked into this secret sacred pact of doom. Although it is highly unlikely you will get anything you want or need and it is equally unlikely you will give someone else anything they like or need, it honestly isn't that bad. In the end it might even be fun... especially if everyone just gives each other booze.
Well I have just discovered the exact opposite of this. Instead of anxiously waiting in anticipation to receive something I don't want or need, I am now constantly checking my email to see how much I'll be paying for something I don't want or need.
What kind of witchcraft could be responsible for such torture...
THE DREADED SUBSCRIPTION AUTO-RENEWAL!!!!! Dun, dun dunnnnn!
Now that my kids are pretty much grown, I really should be going through and looking for all the stupid things I subscribed to when they were younger and never bothered to cancel. But what fun is that? I'd much rather spend time complaining about it rather than actually doing something about it. I'm pretty sure the right/responsibility to do that was part of the American Declaration of Independence.
Today's reverse Secret Santa entry was the "Nintendo Switch Online individual 12 month (365-day) membership." What does this membership provide (aside from a hand dandy lesson in the number of days in 12 months)? I have absolutely no freaking idea. Do you know who else has no idea? My kids! This means they probably haven't used it in years. I really hope that got about $200 worth of fun the one time they did use it because I'm pretty sure that's about how much I have paid for the honor of... doing whateverthehell it does.
Not too long ago it was "Marvel Unlimited". At least I know what my $99 provided with this one. It allowed my son to get digital downloads of comic books instead of buying them, reading them once, and tossing them under his bed. Considering how many comics he reads, at least I know for a fact that I could forget to cancel that one for about 100 years and I'd still end up ahead compared to the comics he would have bought. Has he used this since last year? Of course not. Did he tell me he was no longer using it. I think you already know the answer to that one.
Have you ever heard of this underground game called Minecraft? Apparently you (I mean I) could buy a subscription to something called Minecraft Realms. Oddly enough, I did. What does it do? Only God knows the answer to that. When is the last time my children used it? I don't want bother God with too many questions. He seems to have his hands full right now. But I can tell you it is $7.99 a month to do whatever it does.
My kids aren't the only culprits here. My wife wanted to learn Italian. We bought Duolingo. It bullied her every day for a year. It told her how bad she was for not practicing. Eventually we filed a restraining order against it. It was easier to do that paperwork than to cancel.
Luckily for me I would never do this. I absolutely know why I am still paying AOL that monthly fee. Totally worth it.
I realize I could end all of this by simply going through every subscription, and turning off "auto-renewal" but that will take me forever. At this point, I think it would just be easier to abandon this life and start a new one. Maybe I'll choose the identity of a Pennsylvania sheriff who needs to take down the local Amish mob boss. If I've learned anything from TV, that would be easy as pie.
The moral of this story: DON'T EVER CLICK "AUTO-RENEWAL". In the words of one of my heroes the illustrious Admiral Akbar... It's a trap!
Here's the interactive part. Did this post remind you to cancel any subscriptions? Or what is the stupidest subscription you forgot to cancel?
