Yesterday I ranted like a crazy old man about how Lollapalooza just isn't really Lollapalooza anymore. In response to that post, 
This Friday August 8th marks a day that will live in infamy forever. It is the 21st anniversary of a day when more than 120 people lost their dignity (and most likely their lunches). [A moment of silence for the over 120 victims... thank you very much.] You see, that was the fateful day that Poopgate happened.
OK before I continue, will society please stop slapping "gate" to the end of controversies? It comes from the Watergate scandal. But "Watergate" was the proper name of a hotel. It wasn't a controversy involving "water". Please just stop' Its dumb and then people like me need to reference it that way because that is how everyone knows it. Put an end to the madness!
Wait. did I just say that was dumb? yes I did. You know what else is dumb? DMB (Dave Mathews Band). See how that spells "dumb"? Coincidence? I think not. But I digress.
Anyway, back to that fateful day. On August 8th, 2004, the Dave Mathews band's tour bus was driving around the city of Chicago. The band had a gig at a nearby venue in southern Wisconsin and were staying in Chicago because... it's freaking Chicago! At about 1:00 in the afternoon, the bus was crossing one of the many drawbridges that pass over the Chicago river. (Yes we have many drawbridges in Chicago. Did you know that?) Because these bridges need to obey the laws of physics, they are constructed out of metal grates so they can be raised and lowered easily. This means that basically anything can pass through them to the water... or boats below. The driver of one of Dave Mathews' buses decided this would be a perfect place to empty the "black water tank" of the bus. You know what a "black water" tank is connected to? The toilets. So this genius decided a river would be a great place to dump over 800 pounds of toilet waste. Brilliant! What could go wrong... aside from polluting the water and smelling up the joint during the lunch hour?
The pollution would have been bad enough to make me hate these guys forever. But sadly it wasn't just pollution. You see, Chicago has some awesome buildings. Some people like to view them by taking a tourist cruise down the Chicago river. These boats routinely pass under all of the draw bridges. Unfortunately for over 120 of these architecture lovers, their boat happened to be right below Dave Mathews' bus. So when that genius driver dumped 800 pounds of waste, it didn't hit the water... it hit those 120 people! Yep Dave Mathews dropped 800 pounds of toilet waste on a bunch of tourists. Oh and being the class acts that they are, they denied doing it... until their GPS was checked. Geniuses!
So when I say that Dave Mathews sounds like shit... I mean he literally sounds like shit to me.
