As a special education teacher in a district that uses a co-teaching model (a general education teacher and special education teacher teaming together to teach a class) the start of each year is like an episode of Married at First Sight... I assume because I have never, nor will ever watch that show. Each year the district can create a new "work marriage" of any two unsuspecting teachers. You could get paired with that old dude whose breath smells of coffee and cigarettes no matter what time of day it is. Or the woman who insists on calling 15 year olds "sweetie pie". Or the young new teacher who thinks every single thing they read in their textbook will 100% work in real life. Or the really, really, old dude who thinks he has an answer for everything, still calls everyone dude, thinks he is way funnier than he actually is and wants the class to be like a video game... oh wait that's me.
Well lucky for me, this year I got paired with a woman who happens to be on the same page with absolutely everything I hold dear about education. We both have very high standards but are flexible and are willing to meet students where they are at. We both believe in setting kids up for success, and trying to help them emotionally. We also wholeheartedly believe in edutainment.
So as Christmas break creeped up on me, I found myself thinking, "should I get my co-teacher Christmas present?". The main part of my dilemma stemmed from the fact that like me, she also has anxiety and OCD, so we both overthink literally everything (Wait. Should I have used the word "literally" there? Is it really.... never mind). So I knew that if I got her a gift and she didn't get me a gift, then instead of making her feel joy, she'd feel guilt. And this guilt would last forever. But if she got me a gift and I didn't get her a gift then I'd feel bad for not getting one and she would probably feel bad for getting me one. Only if there were a way to figure out what she was thinking. I wish there were a way to verbally present something that would get the other person to divulge what was transpiring in their brain. Oh wait. You mean like a QUESTION?! yeah I could have just asked her. We could have communicate din advance. But like a real marriage, work marriages get their spark from lack of communication. What fun would it be if we simply knew what the other was thinking? Where's the challenge in telling your real spouse or work spouse what's on your mind. That's ridiculous. So we did what any couple would do... we did nothing.
because I couldn't risk her getting me something while I was empty handed, I found out that she loves candles but hates burning them (did I mention the anxiety and OCD?). So I decided a candle warmer would be a great gift. But before I pulled the trigger at 9:00 PM the night before the last day of the semester, I did the unthinkable and actually consulted my real wife. Our plan was to wrap the gift, take it to school and hide it under my desk in case she got me something. If she didn't, I would take it back home and my wife would use it. The plan was perfect! Except for one small problem.
What if my co-teacher were doing the exact same thing? What if she too had a gift for me just in case but would only give it if I gave her one? Shit! We had found ourselves in a good old game of Christmas Chicken. Who would blink first? Who would be the one bold enough to take that leap and whip out their present knowing it could cause a very awkward situation. I'm pretty sure for two people with anxiety, this situation is pretty much the seventh level of Hell.
As the day ended, and we had clearly finished any real conversation, the two of us circled each other like two kids on a playground who were each scared to throw the first punch. "Come at me bro!" "I dare you!" "I'm going to wipe the parking lot with your face... if you hit me first". Except ours was more like, "So... are you going to do ... stuff over break?" "I like stuff. Do you like stuff?" "how 'bout that local sports team? They sure are sporty and local". After for what seemed like 6 hours of this, my co-teacher finally blinked and said, "I got you a little something. I saw it online and immediately thought of you."
A sense of relief rushed over me as I reached under my desk and pulled out a very terribly wrapped candle warmer. I then laughed and said I was waiting to see what she would do so she wouldn't feel bad if she didn't get me anything. Of course she said the exact same thing.
By the way, here's what she got me... and I love it!
She had won this round of Christmas Chicken... or maybe I did. Either way, now we know each year we will get each other something little. And we did it all without any of that pesky communication!
Merry Christmas!
Anybody else ever get stuck in this kind of showdown?
