No that title is not a euphemism for something dirty. It also is not describing some boring legal mumbo jumbo about marriage rights and regulations.
"Marital code" is the language many couples speak in order to avoid others outside the relationship understanding what is truly going on. It is also a way to remind each other of an inside joke.
For example, when I have reached my limit and I can no longer spend one more second in the presence of my father-in-law, I will say, "I really need to go into work to do my lesson plans for next week." That signals to my wife that if she wants to maintain the detente between my father-in-law and I, we better be on the road within 15 minutes. Anything more than that and I cannot be held responsible for my actions.
Although this system has worked incredibly well, it can become awkward if I try using it after 9:00 PM. In that case I just whisper it to my wife and let her figure out our escape plan.
She's actually really good at escapes. She even has the map of her parents' house and a list of viable excuses tattooed on her back just like the dude in that TV show Prison Break.
She's not bald though.
Over the past few years, we have developed another code:
"That guy would make a great dad".
What the heck does that mean?
A couple of years ago, I was driving to a pub quiz with my wife and another married couple. While my buddy and I chatted in the front seat, our wives sat in the back. (I swear we aren't sexist like that. It just worked out that way... but isn't that what every sexist would say? Oh no! Never mind.)
As we drove, there was a lull in my friend's and my conversation. As a result, we heard what our wives were talking about.
This was around the time Magic Mike 2 was released. Apparently Channing Tatum was making the talkshow rounds in order to promote the movie. Coincidentally, both of our wives (who never watch talk shows) happened to see Mr. Tatum on TV the previous night. Wow! What a surprise!
As we continued to eavesdrop in astonishment induced silence, we heard our wives recall how charming Channing was. They were also quite impressed with how witty and caring he seemed. They continued talking about how talented he is, what a great dancer he is, and how much fun all of this movies are.
Then one of them (we still aren't sure which one)said it.
Simultaneously, my buddy and I lost it. We burst out laughing so hard that I nearly had to pull off the road. That may have been the biggest pile of horse shit I have ever heard in my life (and I have to listen to students' excuses for missing work every day).
We knew what they meant. Heck anyone in the world who happened to over hear this incredible meeting of the minds would have picked up on it instantly.
They thought Channing Tatum was hot.
Fair enough.
He's relatively young. He's in great shape. He's never farted in front of either of them. Of course they were smitten with him.
My friend and I are adults. We had no problem with our wives being attracted to a Hollywood star. We are secure in our respective marriages. He posed no real threat to us. So why the B.S. that they were interested in him for his fantastical parenting skills?
Although we weren't upset about their being attracted to an actor, we were quite annoyed at their insistence on lying to us... and themselves.
We playfully began berating them for trying to justify their attraction to this man.
We explained how superior us men were in this conversation. At least we were honest. When we see Scarlett Johansson, we don't say, "She's got a great set of personalities." We just let it be known that she is really hot. I'm not saying that I become crass or disrespectful to the woman in question... or my wife. If asked, I would simply say, "She's a very attractive woman".
But I certainly wouldn't try to justify the attraction by creating some fantasy where I know her true personality and parenting prowess.
After fifteen minutes of debate, our wives' denials finally relented. We had won. We got them to admit that they thought Channing Tatum was hot.
Wait.
How was that a win?
Damn it! For all of these years I thought I had won that debate... but all I did was get my wife to say she thought some dude was more attractive than me.
Wives are smart.
Anyway... why did this come up today?
Earlier today, while we were watching the preview for the new Avengers movie, my wife leaned over and said, "I think Captain America would be a great dad."
I know dear.
