Last week I wrote about how much I enjoy the simple escape of Law and Order. Although that still holds true, it is really testing my suspension of disbelief. And it is not just the fact that these detectives seem to have a non-stop revolving door of crazy cases or that Bobby Goren knows absolutely everything about absolutely everything (including every single language known to humans). Its the freaking defense attorneys! What school did these scarecrows graduate from? How easy is the Bar exam in their universe? Have they never seen a single crime show?
Goren's trying to figure out if the defense attorney is a statue or not.
Let's get this out of the way right now. I am not a lawyer, have never been a lawyer, and will never be a lawyer... but I have watched a lot of crime shows. So I think I'm as much of an expert as the writers on these shows.
It seems every other episode I find myself yelling, "What is the lawyer doing?!" It kind of messes with my enjoyment when I find myself rooting for some scumbag's lawyer to actually do something. It is like watching a sports team I hate get absolutely no calls in a game. I want to stomp around and gloat after LeBron loses, but if it is because the refs didn't do their job it just takes the fun out of it (The story, all names, characters and incidents portrayed in this hypothetical example about basketball are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred... because LeBron has gotten every call since he could walk.)
I really snapped today. As always Goren and Eames got their guy. Goren starts to go to work on him with his amazing intelligence and psychological mind games. Sometimes he even gets physical like he did today. And you know what the defense attorney did... NOTHING! Goren grabbed the suspect's chair lifter it up and spun it around and then started screaming at the suspect. The lawyer sat their like an oil painting. Nothing. Not even "do you mind not doing that". He sat their eating popcorn and waiting for Goren to crack this scumbag. Oh wait. No. That was me. No. Wait. It was also the defense attorney! and that happens all the freaking time!
Another great one is when the suspect asks for an attorney and Goren and Eames will say something like "Are you sure? We just want to help you. Ummmm again I'm no lawyer but I'm pretty sure as soon as you say the word "attorney" or "lawyer" it is over.
On the rare occasion they actually give the suspect a lawyer on the first request, it makes no difference. The lawyer, who apparently does not understand English, comes into the room and just lets their client spill their guts about whatever crime it is. They never say, "Hey let's talk alone first". Or "Stay silent!" Nope, they just sit let a spectator and let their client incriminate themselves. It is a miracle they don't get charged for loitering for standing around doing nothing. It's almost as if the writers of the show are paid by the word and the producers don't want to waste any money on defense attorney lines.
I think in this one, the defense attorney was actually just painted on the wall.
And it seems the writers have forgotten that a lawyer can do more than just sit there and say the occasional "Don't say anything" that their client promptly ignores. They can actually notice and object when an interrogator says something leading or inflammatory. They can say something when their client is coerced or threatened. They can... same something!
Although I can't lie. I'm not watching this show for it's realistic depiction of the system. It is not a documentary. And one of my favorite things about the show would be impossible if it were more realistic... it would take months to convict the perp. The show wouldn't be tied in a neat little bow after 42 minutes. And that is why I watch. But I'm still allowed to lose my shit, throw chairs, and rant. After all, it is not like a defense attorney is going to stop me.
Does this drive anyone else nuts or are you able to ignore it better than me?
