Grockles* a noun, used by Cornish locals as a derogative term for holiday makers who come to Cornwall on holiday, usually from the smoke infested cities to enjoy their week of freedom from the sweat of work.
From May to September it is not a good time to be a local, the roads are clogged and as you will see the streets are clogged, beer bellies going bright pink in the blazing sun, tiny thoroughfares clogged by lemmings walking aimlessly from point to point without a plan, its like an episode of The Walking Dead.
Welcome to St. Ives. Cornwall
There have been people living here since the 5th century of the common era, a prominent coastal town, Porthia in Cornish, it was a home to fishermen and smugglers. it's narrow streets flanked by 2up 2 down cottages winding down to the harbour.
Things started to change for the locals back at the end of the 19th century with the arrival of the railways and the hordes escaping those dark satanic mills.
"Let's goto St Ives", said I, on the hottest weekend of the year,"It's been years since I have been there"
"You must be fucking bonkers", said my friend, "It's half term, bank holiday and the place will be rammed with grockles, the roads will be chocker and there will be no parking"
So a compromise was jumping on a train, I don't do pubic transport, but I guess it is time to live dangerously. Bodmin Parkway, to St Ives, change at St Erth, return trip £14.50p, cheap as chips.
A small push me pull you only two carriages, like sardines in a can we were crammed in, I wish some of these people invested in a bar of soap and some deoderant.
Welcome to St Ives, it looks idyllic walkng from the station to the town
And these things are as bad as the tourists, well except that the tourists dont steal your chips, and also tend not to shit on your head
Every year over half a million day trippers and just under a quarter of a million staying tourists visit.
It is calm, it is quiet it is pleasant from up here, but like the weather in Cornwall it changes quite quickly, on the North coast it can be raining on the South coast it can be sunny,
Up here above the town all is calm in the world...
...but as I said it all changes
Oh what pleasure it is mingling with the great unwashed.
Where once a fisherman walked these narrow streets; the fishwife following behind. How fucking ridiculous, these streets were never made for fucking amazon deliveries. Already I was regretting my suggestion. let's get away from the main streets and wander
Take a turn and walk down this healthy street
I never thought I would see the words "pokey hole" and "virgin" next to each other.
How delightful to wander these even narrower cobbled streets, where once locals lived cheek by jowl
Sadly now no longer the case, second homes, rentals and venture capitalists have moved in, pricing the locals out of the property market
St. Nicholas' Chapel, standing on the peninsula has been here since the 15th century in one form or another.St Nicholas the patron saint of sailors, by the way, thank me if it pops up in your pub quiz.
Once a useful tool for the fisherman, now used as tacky ornamentation
Far away in the distance , in St Ives Bay stands Godrevy Lighthouse,built in the mid 19th cemtury to warn mariners of Stone Reef, a hazard that had claimed many lives.
Alas the circuitous route is taking me back to "civilisation" a term I use in this case very fucking loosely.
St Ives has four beaches, this is Porthmeor Beach, renowned for surfing and watersports, everyone kept as safe as possible by the baywatch team, sadly not a pair of slo-mo bouncing boobies trying to escape a red swimsuit anywhere.
The hottest day of the year does not lend itself to sitting on the beach in a winter jumper!
Although for some a haven for messing about on the water
For others it is their office, the crabber toiling away to eek out a living.
I ended up on the harbour and its beach and the pleasure seekers.
Pleasure? Seriously?
And a polite warning for the irresponsible dog owners amongst them.
Time to go, it looks better from a distance
I shall return, yes I will but it will be in the fucking winter!
