All of the hopes of spending time here and things I would post, have been put on hold a bit. I have had a pretty tough few years and the last 3 days I've been straight up depressed. So I may have to type out some things to get clear of it. But really I need to move....again.....and I'm just so tired. Mentally and physically. And so. I may or may not be putting much of anything on here for awhile, dunno. I could overcome it quickly or it may take awhile. I dunno.
My experiment with trying to look at everything thru positive eyes, just has stopped, because I finally realized I've just been too traumatized and it's still going on. Until I can be somewhere where I feel safe,....yet, to do that, I need to bring up my vibe. But I think now, I just need to be depressed for awhile. I just can't fight it anymore.
Others generally don't understand, even if they know my story, they just really have no idea what I'm going thru.
I did have one friend call me drunk, thinking I might commit suicide. I thought, no, no, no, nothing like that. That's another kind of horror I don't want to have to live thru. (In other dimensions, that is.) He then became a total jerk. Later apologized, rather flippantly. People have gotten soooooo screwed up frankly. Not to say I don't have my shortcomings, but seriously, everyone is on a tightrope.
I just need time to heal and I'm just sort of getting it? But not really, as I feel alot of pressure all the time. So I think I need to live on my own and be out West. I'd be fine with a nice mobile home community if I could find one to rent from. Too bad I'm not 55 yet, I'd go to one of those communities. I have 2 more years to go before that.
And my twinflame, because I was pretty nasty to him, finally shoved me away. ( I definately know how to get rid of a guy, not that hard, don't know why others have trouble with this, but I may be just insensitive thinking that.) He wanted to stay friends, but that is not gonna happen. Why? because he's still with another woman. I'm sure he feels it's ok, but its not. It's not ok. So tired of people that think it is. I just don't forget that kind of thing. Most women will forgive it, and I can too, but unlike most women, I just can't live with it. Even from a twinflame. Maybe that's how it's supposed to go for all I know, maybe he just is "just not gonna. " And that's ok really. I don't really want him if he's not that into me, hahaha! The OTHER possibility, is that he's not the real twinflame and I have wondered all along, but only time will tell. I've never been sure. And I certainly didn't experience the kind of things I was experiencing before I met him and what others say they experience.
At the same time, I did have some pretty strange synchronicities. So it could be possible that he is. Either way. He's got what he wants....
That felt good to get out.....
I've read so many say this, but now that I'm actually in it, what's life like after a twinflame?
Guess I'm about to find out.....
