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Daily Jokes
@goodjokes
45
A joke a day keeps the shrink away!
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http://www.steemit.com/@goodjokes
Created
2017-11-20 20:57
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Blunder
Blunder The only problem was that times had been a bit tight for me, as I was a single mother with four children. What did I have that we could contribute to the picnic? I could make a cherry pie! A friend
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New Jeans
New Jeans I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. Was anything wrong with them? the clerk asked.
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Mutt
Mutt What dog tells off-color jokes? A smutt.
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Radio?
Radio? Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Radio. Radio who? Radio not, here I come!
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Wire?
Wire? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Wire. Wire who? Wire you always asking ‘who’s there’?
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At The Diner
At The Diner Girl: Hey! Why does this sandwich have bacon on it? Friend: You ordered a BLT. Girl: What? I thought the B stood for bread.
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Dog Flames
Dog Flames Dad, will you put the dog out? I did not know this was on fire.
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Nacho Normal Diet
Nacho Normal Diet The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”
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Poker Face
Poker Face Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
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Tollbooth Timer
Tollbooth Timer I worked on a toll road, answering the phone, collecting money and issuing toll tickets. One Thanksgiving Day, a woman called to ask about road conditions on the turnpike. After I said
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Musical Mayhem
Musical Mayhem When my grandson Gavin was 4 years old, he loved to “play” the piano. Once, when he was done, we forgot to close the lid to the keys. As we walked by later he said, “I better close the piano
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Shopping Freeze
Shopping Freeze I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.
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8y
France’s Favorite Game
France’s Favorite Game I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, "Wii."
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It Ain’t Duff.
It Ain’t Duff. Q: What’s Homer Simpson’s least favorite style of beer? A: Flanders Red Ale.
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Anyone who thinks women
Anyone who thinks women Anyone who thinks women talk too much has never sat through a six-hour Super Bowl pregame show.
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The Dumbest Police Calls in America…
The Dumbest Police Calls in America… From the police blotter, or, what a beat cop deals with every day: • A deputy responded to a report of a vehicle stopping at mailboxes. It was the mail carrier. • A
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Non-cents-ical
Non-cents-ical The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn't make any cents!
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8y
If Hippos Could Talk
If Hippos Could Talk Hippo 1: You look like you’re gaining weight. Hippo 2: That’s very hippo-critical of you.
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Can You Hear Me Now?
Can You Hear Me Now? Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
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What’s Your Beef?
What’s Your Beef? “Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”
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