"What might have been and what has been, Point to one end, which is always present."
It’s easy for me to forget that everything is, as it were, in mid-process. The act of thinking, or considering events is a way of taking a snapshot of a moving and dynamic occurrence, or set of occurrences. When we talk of a moment, it is a way of speaking only. How long is a moment? The idea is completely relative. Human history is a moment to the universe. Our life is a moment to a mountain.
That’s how come we say hindsight is 20/20. We emerge through an event or series on events and take a snapshot that seems to give us a clear view of what happened, but like a frame taken out of a video it can be very misleading. Regret and fear of missing out are often the results of treating these snapshots as an accurate portrayal of reality.
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We are changed by the experiences we go through. Learning can be more than just an intellectual process, there is the training aspect as well. In English the Past Future Perfect Continuous Tense (with 'could have' or 'should have') is a useful way of describing certain events but is a dangerous trap when it begins to influence our thinking. It is intended to allow a way we can talk about ‘unreal things’. Best suited to hypothetical considerations of contemplation or philosophy but very dangerous to apply to daily events. To say, “ I should have done this or that..” or “why couldn’t I see this or that that would happen.”
The reason is that that is there then and we are here now. The answer is in the question. Why couldn’t I see it? Precisely because of the fact that I see it now. It’s better to say that the only reason I see it now is because I couldn’t see it then. It is the contrast in knowing that is the illumination. No light without dark, so to speak.
Ken McLeod was instrumental in formulating what has now come to be known as the WKC model. The gist of which is that in order to acquire any new skill, three things are necessary: willingness, know-how and capacity. Each of these is subtly different but can be overlapped and misunderstood in daily usage; a bit like the subtle differences between the modal verbs can, will and may.
The easiest to differentiate is willingness. That is the desire to do something or learn a skill. Know-how is the knowledge of how to do it. Book knowledge or intellectual understanding. The often neglected one is capacity. Capacity is the ability to do it. The fitness or strength. This is the training aspect. I can want to ride a motorcycle, so I learn how to ride it and what the controls do but then before I can ride it safely and confidently in the open road I need practice. I need to start slowly and develop skills.
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Often when I look back on things and feel I could have done better, I find it helps to remember I probably didn’t have the capacity. It is through attempts and apparent failures that we develop the capacity. If I am training in a gym and achieve an ability to do 50 push-ups I don’t look back at myself 2 months ago and berate myself because I couldn’t do more than 20. Yes, I wanted to. Yes, I knew how to do it, but I didn’t have the strength. I think this model can be applied to non-physical aspects of life experience more than we generally consider.
Whenever I have breakthrough moments in understanding and development of myself, I have this annoying habit of immediately slapping my forehead (figuratively speaking) and say, “why couldn’t I see this sooner! It’s so obvious!” It’s important to remember its only obvious now. I didn’t have the capacity to see it then and by working through it is the only reason why I am able to see it now. It’s an attitude of openness that allows us be in the continuing process and not to constantly take snapshots of our experience as if we are watching a film by looking at a series of photographs.