We have a farm truck. I christened him Rufus when we brought him home a little over five years ago. He's s 2007 Chevrolet 3500HD diesel behemoth. I found him locally and he fit our homestead needs perfectly. We needed something that could hall hay, feed, livestock, supplies, and tow our various trailers. Rufus fit the bill.
Back in my blog archives is the tale of Rufus blowing up his engine in the Organ Mountains of New Mexico, a saga that taught me a lot about what I was capable of. Since that engine replacement extravaganza, Rufus has continued to offer up repairs needed on occasion that have tested my mettle.
But then yesterday happened.
A while ago, I noticed that Rufus had, a vibration. Well, he's an almost twenty year old one ton vehicle, so I figured it was time to do some running gear maintenance. After this summer and replacing all his fuel and transmission lines, along with purchasing new wheels, I really wasn't in the mood for more care repairs, but we all know how much life cares about your feelings.
Anyway, last month the hubs replaced Rufus's glow plugs and rear shocks. The shocks were beyond shot, so even though that helped the vibration a bit, there was still some vibrating happening, so we figured the rear wheel bearings were toast too.
All I have to say at this point, is thank God I my son is an almost fully trained mechanic, that my friend owns a auto repair shop with a lift, and that the hubs is able to fix almost anything.
Yesterday, the hubs headed north to our friend's shop to replace the bearings and when they were underneath the truck doing that job, they noticed that the u-joint bearing was beyond shot. Like to the point that the driveline had apparently been held in place by angels because it should have flopped to the ground and ripped out the rear end!
The hubs and our friend replaced everything and I got a glowing report that the beast drives like a Cadillac. The hubs also replaced the #2 glow plug because last month they didn't do that one because it a difficult job and they ran out of time, plus it wasn't blown.
So of course it blew the following week.
Now, here's the thing with me and Rufus, I have been through so much with him that I have a sus when it comes to him being all fixed. I don't buy it, so when the boy burst in the door to get the car keys about ten minutes after he and the hubs had left for shotgun practice this morning and announced, "Rufie's turbo just blew," let's just say I wasn't shocked.
Devastated, but not shocked.
A turbo replacement is a pretty labor intensive, spendy operation. I have to purchase my son's new competition shotgun this month, a thing I busted my flintlocks to save for, working 12-14 hour days all summer to accomplish. It's a VERY expensive firearm.
This is where the mindset part comes in. I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. I mean, the truck wasn't even fixed for a full day and it was messed up AGAIN! I'm so tired of abusing myself for things, you know, all the thoughts that bubble up when we face a setback. Then, I zoomed out a bit, observed the thoughts, and consciously decided what I felt about it all:
*Life will go on, Kat, this is just life.
You have resources, it'll get fixed.
Who cares if you have to spend all the money you saved, what's supposed to happen will.
Why don't you just get to work on what you can control and let the rest sort itself out.*
In that moment, instead of devolving into a internal musing, worry, and pouting-fest for an extended period of time, I had myself a good laugh, plucked some gratitude out of the recesses of my brain, and got to work.
Then something cool happened.
Right in the middle of my course I am taking for my next business venture, the hubs had texted me that the turbo wasn't blown. One of the dad's of one of his shooting team kids is an expert mechanic, and he knew exactly what had happened. The turbo wasn't blown, the hubs had just put a piece back together wrong when he did the glow plug replacement so the turbo just wasn't working right due to that.
He also said the whole team made fun of him.
I texted him the hug and kiss emoji.
And then I had myself a good smile. The lesson was clear. I could have spent all morning in a pout fest, despair fugue over something that was indeed a setback, but turned out to not even exist, it just looked and sounded like it existed. How you view the trials in your life is a skill that takes practice, and even with a ton of practice and experience, I am still human and prone to poor me or fear-derived states.
I sure am identifying them and coming out of them much faster these days though.
Which is another reason why I am glad that I have Rufus in my life, he's been a good primer in the mindset cultivation department!
And as most of the time, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's not in possession of u-joints or bearings or costly turbos iPhone.