I am still here!
Well, maybe I am not quite as here as I would like, but to be honest, I am here as much as I can be these days. Which of course I will admit is nowhere near as much as I would like to be, but my friends, the amount of work, and not just straightforward labor, but existentially wrenching to the core and pulling me into areas of growth work that I didn't think possible, has been happening.
So I am just going with it.
The schoolwork I am doing now is the learning of the actual practice of things, and in order to be a good therapist I have to also receive therapy, and this semester, I get to practice everything I am learning on myself.
Then, I get to come out of patient mode and go into clinician mode and analyze everything. It is not an easy thing at all to go from one mode to another, and the work that I am doing on myself, well, let's just say that in order to do it in an authentic way, the process is quite wrenching.
It's so beautiful too.
If you are willing to take the leap into discomfort, from a mindset of curiosity and love, magic can happen. If you can do the journey from a place of support with a person who's got your back, who is there to support and advocate for you, to cheer for you as you look inward and help co-regulate your nervous system as you do the uncomfortable, then even more magic will happen.
So, I am not sad about being away from here at all right now in a way, because I am learning, growing, and on my way to doing what it is I am supposed to do.
And when this season wanes, I will more than likely be back here on a much more frequent basis as I adore my Hive peeps and this realm.
Something that I have been learning and internalizing a lot lately is, "state follows story." Our brains makes sense of what we are going through by writing it into them in the form of story, narrative, and right now my story is one full of challenge, learning, and growth. It's my hope that all this effort will be beneficial to not only my own little carcass but to others. If going through this chaos and demanding bit of life can yield the most transformative fruit in the long term, then I am here for it.
I may also need to be present for quite a few naps, this medium-aged Kat is a bit on the weary side, as Life also has been a bit of its usual blender. This past week alone I have had more phone calls and situations of drama, trauma, and silly llama things to deal with, so I am a bit on the sleep deprived side.
It's all good though, I am an existential enthusiast after all...
And as most of the time, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's still strangely never in need of a nap but often in need of a recharging just like the author iPhone.
