Tis' that time of year again, the season of overall welfare beatings. I, like a bunch of other insane people, spend most of December fluttering about engaging in a marathon of holiday things like a simpering first world buffoon. Presents are to be procured, made, wrapped and distributed, parties are to be attended, food is to be created, crafted, and consumed, and functions are to be attended all in the name of Holiday Cheer.
Now don't get me wrong, I love this time of year, and often, when I am in the midst of the festivities I am having a blast. Last night I was an elf in our local Christmas parade with my children and a bunch of other library folk. It was fantastic and I love it! However, there is a dark side to all the merry making.
Friday I went to the doc for a routine physical. I will begrudgingly admit that I might not have been eating or drinking like I should, there's just so many things that need my attention. It was blood draw time, a thing that I have had done to me at least twice a year for most of my life. I don't mind needles and am one of those people who can watch my blood be drawn. I mean, I live on a farm, so I give shots to creatures on a frequent basis. The poor medical professional lady could not find my veins. Anywhere. Finally, after using a butterfly needle and jabbing it into the vein at the base of my thumb she was able to get a drip of blood. It took five minutes to almost fill one tube. During that time she had to move the needle around quite a bit. I'm not going to lie, it smarted a touch, but I just smiled like I always do and chirped away.
After a couple of minutes of the sorta torture I realized that I couldn't hear very well. After the great Fetal Pig Formaldehyde Incident during my sophomore year of high school, I knew what was coming! (I got formaldehyde in my bloodstream from a cut on my thumb and fainted in front of my entire high school). I mumbled something to the young PA, for my vision was starting to fade. NO! NO! NO! I internally chided myself, You will not pass out, that poor girl is a rookie, she doesn't need this today!
I vaguely remember the nurse coming in, a lady I have known for years, and she arranged me on the office chair. "Kat, you are severely dehydrated, I'm going to get you some OJ. When did you eat last?"
"Tuesday?" I murmured.
"She's so cold and clammy."I heard the young PA whisper to the nurse.
The nurse came back and gave me a mini Ritz cracker with peanut butter in the middle. I nibbled on it whilst laying on the office chair and immediately started feeling alive again. Alive and embarrassed.
My nurse came in with a bottle of OJ and had me take a few sips. I started chirping that I was feeling much better and she replied by saying, "I don't want you sitting up just yet, just lay here in the dark for a bit, I'll check on you soon."
I felt like a chastised preschooler who was forced to take a nap time.
Later my doc came in, a woman who I have known for a long time. "So what's up?" she inquired.
I don't know if it was because I am was in my chastened preschooler state, but I just burbled out a bunch of stuff. I told her that this past week my great uncle died, my friend was declared terminal, I was trying to take care of everyone and everything, because the need is so great and I can't walk by a person in need and I love to bring people joy.
In that moment, as I word vomited my justifications for my current pathetic mode of existence to my doc, I realized that my propensity to give my all to help those around me was once again taking a toll on my form. She didn't lecture me because she didn't have too. I get it. I cannot be the Savior of the world, or even to those around me whom I care about. Just because I have a desire to care for people doesn't mean I can leave myself on the side of the self care road.
Ugh. Can I just get bit by a genetically altered spider or hit by some magical meteor or something?
That said, this time of year a lot of us go a little bit harder than we should, and even if it is for benevolent reasons, it's still wrong to not stop and make sure you are doing all right on occasion. It's perfectly dandy if you don't get all your presents done, or your cookies delivered, people will still love you. Take a bath, read a book, or go make a snow angel in your back yard. Don't let the perceived stress of the season melt your whimsy or harsh your Mojo.
And on that note, I think it's time to find myself something to eat. Before I go have a snowball fight with my kids...
TL:DR You can't take care of others if your don't take care of yourself. Tend your form or you'll adorn the doctor's office chair instead of your office party.
And as most of the time, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's currently incandescent from being transparent iPhone.
