Not knowing what to write is something I've never been afflicted with; I have so much going on in life that I have topics coming out of my ears. Today though, I've sat here and struggled to know how to begin this post. For lack of anything more suitable I'm just going to say it how it is, plain and simple, and press publish at the end sending whatever comes out up to the blockchain for ever. I hope you don't mind.
This post is to update those of you who have been interested in, and provided support around, the cancer situation my wife Faith's mother is in.
In August 2018 we arrived home from Europe to the news my mother in-law had bowel cancer. Two weeks later she had most of her bowel removed and in a few more weeks was into a chemotherapy process that ended around April 2019. It was a terrible process for her and at one point was only hours from death - Chemotherapy can be brutal and the oncologists got the mix wrong. She recovered though and was declared in remission.
To celebrate we took her to New Zealand with us in October 2019, her first-ever time overseas, and she had an amazing time. We spared no expense and did so many once in a lifetime things which she thoroughly enjoyed.
She has had three-monthly scans since that point and each was clear. We were pleased to see this each time of course. The chemotherapy has left residual issues though such her hands being numb and her fingers tingling all the time - This won't go away, but it's a small price to pay for life.
At her last scan the worst scenario occurred; They found more cancer.
This time the cancer is in the liver and over the last two months she has undergone many scans including the PET and MRI scans that pinpoint the extent of the cancer.
She's had many others though along with several oncologist appointments both with the bowel specialist and the liver specialist. Over this time we have worked hard to help her maintain her emotional and mental well-being and, of course, that of my wife also as she is very close with her mum and it this has affected here heavily.
It has been a very stressful time and with Faith and I still working and having our own lives...Well, it's left us a little worn out physically and emotionally.
Yesterday was my mother in-law's ultimate appointment with the liver specialist/surgeon and the news was...Mixed. I'll dot point it below in a brief manner, the options she has.
Do nothing: Meaning no treatment at all - Lifespan 12 months from now.
The oncologist was very clear about this. The condition cannot be reversed and left untreated will end Faith's mum's life inside of twelve months.
Full operation: Lifespan 2 to maximum 5 years.
This operation is very intrusive; Opened up like a tin can, is exactly how the surgeon explained it. There's a percentage chance of bleeding out on the table and this is followed by recovery and a six month process of chemotherapy.
Key hole surgery: This surgery goes in between the ribs and blasts the cancer with a laser thing. It is less invasive but has a fluid on the lungs risk, (pneumonia) although possibly involves no post-operation chemotherapy. Lifespan 2 to maximum 5 years.
We worked very hard in the last two months not to influence Faith's mum either way as far as decisions go. It has to be her decision alone, and is one that obviously affects ones entire life, so we have been very careful not to influence her at all, despite having our own thoughts on the matter.
Yesterday she made the decision to do the key hole laser-blast thing as she felt the ongoing quality of life was preferable to the twelve months of pain and suffering the full operation and chemotherapy would impose. (With no better time-prognosis.
The key hole thing can be done a few times moving forward, the operation just the once, and with the lifespan prognosis being the same she felt quality of life was the best choice. Doing nothing wasn't really much of a choice once she found out about the key hole thing. This also means the full operation can be done at a later date potentially also.
I wasn't in the room when she was told about the twelve month lifespan (if untreated) although my mum got told the same thing, also cancer-related, and I was in the room.
It's a very odd thing to hear, and I'd imagine extremely confronting for the one subject to it. My mother in law is a tough woman though, this is where Faith gets her strength from of course, and she took the news well focusing on the solutions rather than the negative of knowing that cancer will kill her with a few short years.
Of course, doctors are not always right when it comes to these matters and my mother in-law was saying that medical advancements may occur in that time and she might be afforded more time than the expected prognosis. She's right, and for her sake I hope this is the case. Unfortunately it wasn't for my mum who died almost twelve months to the day from that prognosis; I guess one never really knows.
This cancer will never be cured; The oncologist was very clear about that. It can be controlled via this key hole scenario but it will eventually take her life. If the cancer was to become tertiary, pop up somewhere else like the bones, it would accelerate her demise also. She's not focused on that though - She's thinking about life.
I'm really impressed with how she has handled it, and Faith too - They are very close and I would have thought this news would hit them very hard. I think it will at times though, in time, however right now I think there's a feeling of positivity, some relief about finally knowing and a steely-resolve to make whatever time she has left valuable for her and Faith.
We have some very tough times ahead, and I feel we'll have some incredibly happy and memorable ones too - That's what we're focused on.
So that's about it y'all. Not a very happy post in general, although it's a thing that will monopolise much of my life moving forwards and, as always, I'll be there to support Faith and her mum, help create lasting memories and be there at the end when life runs its course.
I feel pretty useless at the moment however I'm present, emotionally and physically, and together we will continue our best life ethos and make the most of the hand we've been dealt, as poor as it is.
I know it's often difficult for people to know what to say in these circumstances; If that's how you feel then say nothing, however if you have something to say then feel free to comment below.
Thanks for tolerating this post; It helped me order my thoughts to write it.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
Discord: galenkp#9209
Sunset image is mine.
