Some kind of crazy

As part of an initiative I’m involved with, I regularly spend time with people who are struggling with mental health issues for one reason or another. Some are military veterans and first responders, which was the main focus initially, and some are not; the latter group is a spin-off from word-of-mouth chatter that spread and slowly pulled people in from almost all walks of life, ages and experiences. We’re not consultants, just a group of people who use our own experiences (and what we’ve learned) to assist others to deal with their own, and much of the time it’s simply sitting and listening, providing companionship and a willing and impartial ear for people who have struggled to open up in the past. We only work with those who want to be there and there’s no cost involved to the participants. Oh, and we only work with men.

Speaking from personal experience, (because I am one), men can be reluctant to open up about their problems, thoughts and feelings – something women are so much better at, and better because of it – and the whole premise of the initiative is to get people talking and help them understand that they can do so without judgement or feeling less manly and that there’s benefit in it. We also do a pretty cool event each year which I wrote about it in a post and you can see the post here if you want to read it - I'm pretty proud of what we do but there's no obligation to read the post.

A few days ago I caught up with one of these fellows who is in the middle of a pretty messy divorce, was made redundant from his job and has most recently discovered he has prostate cancer requiring surgery; all that occurred within a six month period and is ongoing; as you can imagine, the pressure has increased exponentially. He was pretty wretched when I first met him a few months ago and still is if I’m truthful, but he enjoys the hour or so we spend chatting, the companionship, and ability to unburden his mind and lighten the load somewhat. He’s very draining on me, I’ll be honest, but as time passes he’s starting to improve which is great to see; it’s amazing what seeing some light at the end of a dark tunnel can do for one’s mindset.

We spoke about happiness, not moments of it scattered here and there but lasting happiness, and the concept of creating that in life on a day to day basis and being able to look back on life generally with the thought of having had a happy life. There’s more to life such as leading a meaningful one but that’s linked to happiness as well. I asked him, ”what makes you happy, give me a list”. And then, ”what would make you happy right now, give me a list.”

I expected him to struggle with it considering his current state of mind, and he did, but he eventually listed a few things and I was really pleased to hear that they were quite simple and easily achievable things. I won’t share them, it’s private to him, but I could see little-to-no impediment to him actually making most of them happen on a daily or weekly basis and that was great. I suggested doing a few of those things regularly would give him a sense of happiness, but also of achievement, and if done regularly enough those things will start to touch at the edges and begin to encompass more of his life, then enrich it; certainly something to work towards. It was a small step but when watching him walk away after our coffee meeting I thought he seemed to be stepping a little lighter, walking a little taller. Job done.

Men, myself included, tend to feel reluctant to show weakness but that's some kind of crazy because bottling things up like that is rarely going to end well and isn't much of a way forward. That's what this initiative I'm part of is all about (read the other post which explains it) - It's a simple concept that started from my role as a paid mentor into a separate voluntary thing and beyond...it was about helping people, the desire to, and has been rewarding on many levels and, I know for a fact, helped many men find happiness and a better way forward...some of whom are now part of the leadership team along with me and the others who started it.

Anyway, I figured I’d ask you folks a question about happiness and see if any are willing to share their thoughts.

Do you fill your life with many easily-created small things that make you happy or leap from big thing to big thing with huge gaps in the middle? What even makes you happy and why? Do you struggle to create happy moments in your busy or complicated life or find it easy to do and do you honestly expect to be able to look back on your life and confidently say you had a happy one? If you’d like to respond about this or other things then go ahead.