Missing

Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.

- Alphonse de Lamartine -

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I sat in silence for a time last night. No music, no television, no talking. The rain fell outside, rather unseasonable considering it's mid-November, and I was thinking about many things. Silence...Well, let's call it silence other than the cacophony or thoughts that raced through my mind; those thoughts were loud.

I asked questions of myself and even found a few answers; not nearly enough though, and most of those brought more questions anyway. But ask and answer I did, and accompanied as I was by the falling of rain on the roof and the otherwise silent room I felt I moved thoughts forward, parked others for later and highlighted yet more again; it felt rather productive even though I didn't always like the answers that came.

Mind pop

Something kept popping into mind over the course of that couple hours and the more it did the more I came to understand its importance.

For almost two years now we've been dealing with a scenario that completely changed how the world looks and feels, how we think and act. It's been good for some in an isolated way however in general I believe the situation has fundamentally changed life as we knew it and in the future those changes will become cemented, further develop and change, and not for the good.

I've had to adapt along with the rest of the world and despite not liking where things are headed I've accepted parts of it and denied others. I could talk about control mechanisms and loss of freedom of choice which I feel are worrying issues, however the mind pop I experienced wasn't related directly to that, it was about something I've missed terribly, and need desperately, that has been denied me.

The travel

Don't misunderstand here, there are very big issues and concerns in today's world and in comparison it could be considered that travel is quite low on the list of priorities however, if I may be a little selfish for a moment, I'd like to call it out as something so important to me personally that being denied it for so long is beginning to weigh heavily upon me.

I've travelled around the world quite extensively and have been fortunate enough to have positioned myself to have the time and finances to do so - Ownership, responsibility, discipline and action really do pay off it seems. I've traveled to favourite places multiple times and have a long list of places I need to go but have not. I say need but it's more of a want thing. I'll die eventually and I figure it's best to live-best whilst I'm here and, so I want to go to and see so many places. But that's been denied.

Thoughts and plans

I don't know what travel is going to look like as things move forward: Masks in airports and aircraft for sure. Check-in apps, vaccinations, social-distancing, restrictions on sizes of gatherings and other such control measures are a certainty. I think many business operators may also struggle; many here are unable to reopen as they cannot find appropriate staff who want to return to work. How we eat out and interact with others is controlled, longer queue's at attractions, frustrated staff and tourists and many more challenges...So much has changed and all of that combines to change how a person travels in general. It certainly doesn't make it appealing to do so, but it's a need thing for me and so I hold out hope that it'll be possible to travel, and not offensive to do so.

Last year I had two trips cancelled, one was to Scandinavia which, for a fellow from Australia, is a big trip; lengthy and costly. Disappointingly it meant I didn't see my niece and that makes me very sad. I have no idea when I might see her and feel I've missed out on so much of her young life. It's more than that of course though; I'm getting older myself and as I do I change as a human. Sure, I'm fit and strong as an ox but that may not always be the case. So...Do I have time to waste? No is the answer. I'll be dead soon enough and so I'm keen to live while I can...But travel? It's not much of an option currently. It'll change I know, but when? It makes it hard to take my thoughts and turn them into plans.

I'll be honest and say I'm disgruntled and overall unhappy about the situation. I feel cheated out of parts of my life that I find to be so incredibly valuable.

It's not the act of travelling that I miss so much although I love everything about it; there's more to it than the simple process of moving from one place to the next. It's the experiences, the moments, people one meets, the conversations, understanding and enlightenment one gains and the satisfaction I get through visiting the places I study and research. It's the overall experience I get from travelling that I long for and whist I have tentative plans none of them are able to develop with much confidence.

During this whole debacle I've worked hard to furnish my life with experiences on a smaller scale although it's generally been limited to day trips and just under a week away within my own State; travel restrictions have prevented anything more. I need more though; I need a holiday - A real one. I need the excitement one gets as the wheels go up and that aircraft takes flight, the smile of the hostess as she offers a glass of champagne and the feeling I get as that aircraft carries me towards new moments of life.

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I'm not sure what y'all have felt like since the beginning of this worldwide situation, what you miss, who you miss and why but I'd say we all have a story. So many things have changed for me and not being able to travel is just one element. It's a big thing though considering how much I gain through travel; it's impacted me greatly. It's not the only thing that's missing of course, but not being able to travel leaves a huge hole inside me. How about you?