One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.
- Joan of Arc -
War has brought humankind to perpetrate some of the most reprehensible, disgusting and horrendous things and has caused humans to act with heroism, selflessness and kindness as well; that's the dichotomy of war.
It brings out the best and worst in those who step forward to fight and those caught up in war by default, civilians in war-torn areas and the families of those who go to fight. Fortunately, for most people they'll never have to find out what war can do to a person, but some live with it daily and for their entire lives; as they say, the war may end, but for a returning soldier, the fight never does.
Some time ago, I lost another mate to his fight with PTSD.
He ended his life in brutal fashion after a twenty-year battle that raged within himself and [unfortunately] sometimes spilled over to his family and friends. The dichotomy of war followed him home and he experienced the highest of highs and the most terrible of lows because of it, all the while supported by his wife and their son; the government used him and cast him aside. We stuck together though, he was one of my best friends and we had a tight group around us.
We rallied around his wife and son when he left us; she was broken emotionally and financially ruined as is often the case. We were there to support her though, and we have continued to this day.
She's back on her feet now, still a little broken of course, that will never go away, but she's met a new fellow and is in love.
I wrote about that a while back as I didn't know how I felt about it, but I've since interacted with the guy and he is a decent man, treats her well and puts up with my shit, so he's ok by me. I'll be meeting him soon, they're coming down here for a little holiday and I'm really looking forward to it. It'll be good to see her and I can finally loom over that guy as I feel is my responsibility to my mate. I'm just kidding here, he's a good bloke and I'm happy that they're happy.
I think of my buddy a lot though, all of them really, and it makes me sad and happy in equal measure. He was not the sort of person one wanted to mess with, but was one of the nicest people I ever knew. He was a tough son of a bitch, but he genuinely cared about people, probably far too much and certainly to his own detriment, but that was his thing.
I remember when we worked together, I'd always find him working with the younger lads, listening, offering direction, wisdom and helping them grow and develop. One of my best memories of him is that, his compassionate, kind and caring side and the fact that I think he would have jumped on a grenade to save someone else's life. Men like that are rare and he was exactly that type; he was a helper.
I spoke to his wife yesterday and she told me she missed him so much. I get it.
We spoke about life in general and she mentioned the challenges she'd faced, the help she'd received and the paths she'd travelled because of his loss. She's a strong woman. She also spoke about the work she's being doing with veterans and how rewarding she was finding it. She'd not been able to save her husband, but she was saving other guys and gals and I think that's a very selfless act considering the pain she went through herself; her husband would be proud of her, I know this.
Life is often difficult and sometimes beautiful but it's always life, the only one we have and, trust me, it's not as secure as you may think. Things happen, moment to moment, that irrevocably change people's lives forever and much of the time we don't see them coming, or probably even believe it's possible, but it is.
My mate once said to me once, life throws a hand grenade at us now and then and we have choices to make at that time. Pick it up and throw it back, do nothing, or jump on it and accept the consequences. I never forgot it.
We went on to discuss ownership, responsibility, discipline and action, four things we both valued and worked hard to apply.
What he meant with the hand grenade comment was that adversity, hardship, disappointment, fear, failure and other negative things happen to us in life, but we always have the ability to choose how we react to those things and we both believed that applying those things was righteous. He and I are simple folk, we're not rocket-scientist types by any stretch of the imagination, but we learned how to deal with life, in our own way, upheld our personal honour and integrity and sometimes that meant dealing with life-grenades.
When I think of what my mate did to himself, I fully believe he did so thinking he was doing the right thing by his family; he knew what his PTSD was doing to them. I was so mad with him at first but that was wrong of me; He jumped on a grenade and sacrificed his life for them, there is honour in that, or so he would argue. I'm not saying I agree with his decision, that it was right or wrong, but I am saying that he was able to act decisively and according to his own beliefs and I respect him for that.
I'm excited to catch up with is wife and look forward to talking with her, learning more about her work with veterans and celebrating the man that was her husband and one of my best friends. We'll remember him fondly and honour his memory, and both wish he was with us to help us with our life grenades once more.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default; tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind - galenkp
Any images in this post are my own.
