My New Normal: Farewell My Love

Hello everyone! How's it going? I think we are all on the same phase, but I am hopeful that we could overcome the negative emotions we are feeling because of being quarantined for a long time.

I would not be complaining, but I will try my very best to obey the law and not add to the burden to our medical/ health care workers. Our quarantine has been extended due to the increase number of CoVid19 victims. Eventually, everything will be okay but not the same way as it was before.

To be honest, lately, my heart has been so heavy. I was in pain but now I think I am recovering.

Here's what happen though. Few days ago, Kenneth James had official ended whatever is between us. He actually broke up with me, as I said on my previous blogs, before my board examination for teaching. That night, it was really hard for me of course. But then he called me the following day and told me he was sorry. He wanted to take back what he said. I have thought a lot about that night and told him to give me a break.

Fast forward to few weeks ago, we had been arguing a lot. But seriously, even before our break-up, I had been so hot-headed for the reason that I am still on pills. And so, he lose all his patience to me.

Four days ago, after having an argument with me, he called it quits. I was shocked at first. I told him why break-up all of the sudden. He then just told me that despite the fact that he still loves me, he would be choosing himself this time. Of course I was taken aback.

Why all of the sudden when we were already making plans of our wedding. In an instant, my heart sank. It was just so stupid of me as I had been begging to him not leave me for more or less than an hour on the phone. Oh well, I guess good times never really last.

And here are the letters he gave to me during special occasions. Among the two of us, I am the one who writes the most.

As you can see, I have kept his letters on my journal spread. Prior to the breakup, I had been putting those important things from him and the photos of us together. I deemed it important as we were in a long distance relationship.

To Kenneth James whom I have loved for more than three years:

Thank you for the three long years of being together. Thank you that we have come this far. Thank you for all the wonderful memories we shared especially when we travelled to places and enjoy different sights. Thank you for always putting up with me. And I am sorry that I did not do my part.

For now, I shall rest my heart and enjoy the freedom I have acquired. I do hope that you would find someone whom you would truly love. I hope someday you would meet the person who would take good care of me.

With all honesty, 2020 really brought changes in my life. If something wrong is gonna happen again, I don't know how to cope up with it anymore.

My mental health has been so down to the drain. I am hoping for good news to come, not just for me but for the people who matters most to me.

This is my new normal now, a life without him -- a life without someone who I thought my world revolves around to. I may not be fully okay now but I know I would reach the point in my life that all those memories would be hidden somewhere in my mind. At that time then, I would be able to love more than I did. I would be able to shower that person with more care and concern. And at that time then, you would be rejoicing with me.