Mas Que un Vencedor - #LaAventuraDeLaVida

~ Sept 29, 2013 ~

My last few posts have been lighthearted about my adventures here. This one will be a little more serious. I've almost finished my first two weeks of school, and it's been a very rough two weeks. I have done my fair share of crying, staring blankly into space, and curling up in the fetal position around a pillow. I even contemplated getting sick to avoid school (don't worry... I didn't do it). But I want to share with you what God has done through the trials.

The first week was a barrage of new things all at once. I am only teaching one class (thank the Lord!), but I am heavily assisting in two other classes, so I have responsibilities in three classes to take care of. I had no idea what I was doing (I still don’t really), and trying to be in charge of a classroom full of pubescent 8th graders filled me with dread. Every day would start out with me leading a devotion for 5th graders (who didn’t understand most of it), and working with them from 8am until 9:50, then a classroom full of third graders (who don’t understand much of ANYTHING in English) from 10am until 11:50. Then lunch, then about an hour and a half to work on my plan that day in 8th grade. I was making up my own activities because half of my class is missing workbooks, and I just felt like I was letting everyone down: the students, the school, God, myself… I just wanted to give up and pass the job on to someone who could do it better than I could. But since there was no one else available to fit that bill, I kept walking into week two.

This past week has been even more of a roller coaster than the first. I started to get sick last Saturday, and I have been battling not being able to breathe… or talk… or SING! for the past week. The only thing that got me through the day without a 3-hour nap was a lot of caffeine and b-vitamins. I was supposed to have my lesson plans turned in by last Sunday, but this whole week I was pretty much planning day by day in the hour before class. I felt like I was running on empty the whole time, and falling behind besides. I had one of the more experienced English teachers come to observe in my classroom, which was very helpful, but her assessment confirmed what I already knew – I was not getting anywhere with my students. She was so sweet about it, and gave me some good constructive criticism, but at that moment, it was my breaking point. I was done. I had nothing left.

BUT GOD.

The most wonderful two words in the Bible.

Even when I want to give up, He is faithful. On Monday night, this is what I wrote in my journal: I know that at some point I will look back on this and laugh, but right now just want to cry. I was hoping it wouldn’t get any worse than last week, but it’s starting out that way. I still have bored, not understanding students, I still have no idea what I’m doing, and now I can’t breathe through my nose to top it all off. I have to keep reminding myself that mistakes are just part of the learning process and that the only failure is giving up. I know that in order to make a beautiful mosaic something must be broken, but I feel like another piece is being chipped off of me every day. But we know that there is no condemnation in Christ – only conviction to bring us closer to Him. I want to be plumb. I want to be brokenly beautiful. I want to be His child, His friend, His branch, His light, His salt. But most of all, I just want to be His. No matter what may come. No matter what lies I may hear or believe. No matter how tired I am. No matter how much I mess up. “A thousand times I’ve failed, still your mercy remains, and should I stumble again, I’m caught in Your grace.”

On Tuesday, Kathy (one of the teachers I assist) was talking with the kids about how we are who God says we are, and she asked me to give an example. Out of my need came the answer, “I am more than a conqueror.” The kids didn’t quite get the concept, but that statement stayed with me through the day and kept me going. Then on Wednesday, when I was bone-tired and wanting to stay home from church and sleep, God blessed me beyond anything I expected. It was the clearest sky I think I have ever seen, and the stars were stunning. There seemed to be thousands – all declaring the glory of God. I simply stood outside and looked up at the stars until I heard the music start and I knew I had to head in. It was like God was saying, “You see all those stars? You realize that I made all those and I’m keeping the entire universe in motion? And you think I can’t handle your problems?”

The sermon that night was talking about how Christ has dominion over all things and, because we are His body, all things have been put under our feet. Almost every single one of the songs and a good portion of the sermon talked about being more than a conqueror by the Spirit of God. Also (praise God), I am starting to understand more of the sermons. I am so grateful for my bilingual Bible. I use it not only at church, but during school – to read verses to the kids in both English and Spanish so they can understand it.

Today (Saturday) has been a wonderful day of rest, but I know that I will need to start again tomorrow will full-on lesson planning and preparation after church. I know I am still not going to know what is going on in the week ahead, but I am grateful for the opportunity to lean on the everlasting arms. Please keep me in your prayers - I need wisdom to teach my 8th graders, God’s love to share with all my kids, and endurance to make it through the next week. Also, I'm having a bit more trouble with my cold sores (lack of sleep combined with a great deal of stress will do that to you), so please pray that I will be able to focus on school and the kids without those interfering.

Dios le bendiga!