Hello my dear friends …
I dont know why but whenever new year came, in the beginning if the year, i always feel a deep deep sadness. I called her my seasonal depression. For me, it came for no reason. Its like your friend that live abroad suddenly come knocking your door when you’re so busy. I dont have time to accompany her but i need to because she’s already came to my house. I got forced to live with her while trying my best doing my usual daily life. Though it was never possible, her coming to me is messing up a lot of my plan.
So, what happened when my dear friend called depression came? My whole body is in pain, my chest is heavy, my head is in mess and feels warm like its boiled, my stomach feels like someone punched it over and over again, i dont have energy to move, I lost my appetite, even when i am holding my phone my hands are shaking. And that, only the physical effects that i felt. How do i cope with the physical limitations that i felt during this season? I either sleep or took meds. Usually for medicine, i took paracetamol and omeprazole. Palacetamore for the pain killers and omeprazole for my stomach problems. Other than that, i used medicated oil and balsam so my body can feel other sensation than that. Then how about my non physical condition? I feel lonely, sad, like i am in a dark tunnel and there is no lights at the end of the tunnel. All i see is a never ending darkness. Its so lonely, eventhough i know that i have a lot of people that love and care for me in real life. I feel sad like the tears always threaten to fall down from my eyes eventhough I understand that i am one of the happiest and blessed person in this world. I avoid talking with other people. Seeing my whatsapp full of new messages hurts and scare me, for no reason at all.
But, you know how she is right? Since long ago I understand that it’s pointless to fight her. Fighting her will only tiring me out. She’s gonna gone again after awhile anyway. So, i choose to just entertain her while she’s with me. I set back my life plan for her with the promise that she cant stay for long. She can come again next time when her season coming again, but never stay for long. Just visit me to see how am i doing and please go again. When she come to me, i will try my best to balanced out her time and my daily life time. I still find it hard to balance it out even till now. But this is the best that i can do for now and i am sure it will only get better and better each time.