It feels like a constant and consistent falling into nothingness, but then, every now and then, you are reminded of the feeling of falling. For when you never get jolted or bumped out of the rhythm, you get used to the strange and haunting feeling.
For many years now, I have thought about it, but only now am I actually doing it. And the feeling worse than I thought. I am not one for much sentiment, but when you worked on a single project for so long, the end really feels like the end of the world. Life is dynamic, we adapt, we move on, we create new worlds. But in the transition, the threshold of stand on this side of the fence, moving toward the other, you only realise at that moment just what is about to happen.
Natural instinct, for me, is to pull back, to go back to safety, but that is not always an option. The only real option is to go forward, to trust that your feet will carry you.
It is indeed a strange feeling, and I am not sure I will be able to shake it. I do not like what I am feeling, but it is what it is now.
Luke 23:34 notes: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
The philosopher Slavoj Žižek has a book titled, For They Know Not what They Do.
And in this moment, I am in this strange liminality. For I am not sure what I am doing...
