To kill or not to kill

Maybe you've read @shortbeker 's latest post on the ethics of killing to feed yourself. It's something I've often thought about since coming to the forest, as attempting to grow 100% of your own food in a cold part of the world like this, on a soil that has not been cared for and is of low quality is kind of a slow suicide (I have tried it and can only achieve some success on the last months of summer, the rest of the year it equals starvation).

Fishing would be a very reasonable option as the stream seems to have plenty of swimmers. But as I have mentioned before, I'm uncomfortable with the act of killing and this leads me to a lot of philosophizing.

We know industrial farming and the whole food system is very destructive, taking many lives in the process, even if it's vegan. It doesn't only take lives, it destroys entire ecosystems. So between killing a fish or buying a kilo of legumes or grain, it would seem the sacrifice of the fish is the smaller damage.

However, today I have resolved that I will not kill, despite this knowledge, and my reasoning is the following:

• It takes time and I am actively spending all my time and energy on improving the soil, as well as foraging and growing veggies. I prefer to keep consuming a few market goods in exchange for the time to push forward on establishing the permaculture garden.
• I am quite sure this is a dream. I like to dream of growing plants, not bleeding and suffering animals.
• I think we shouldn't do to others what we don't want done to ourselves, at least we should try and avoid it if possible. I didn't choose the way food is grown these days, but I can choose to kill or not to kill.

So, it seems you cannot walk on the grass without stepping on ants. This is a hard truth we must come to terms with. All our actions involve the suffering of another in some way. Even the most peaceful ones. Believe me, an ex-girlfriend of mine suffered because of my constant meditation practice. She would tell me that pacifism was violent to her. And I get where she was coming from: in a world where women still have to bare with a lot of injustice, those who sit by and abstain from action could be seen as accomplices of the crime.

At the same time we must not give in to this. I'm still recovering from that relationship. She really managed to make me feel that my search for inner peace was wrong. Imagine that. Of course it's my responsibility to take back the power but it kind of just stuck in my subconscious and every now and then I will feel guilty for meditating.

But back to the point, I think suffering is unavoidable. However, if there is an action we can do, a path that we can take that focuses on reducing it, understanding it, or giving it a higher purpose, then we should take it. This means different things to different people but in this quest is where we find the depth of Life, where we go beyond the basic impulse of survival and begin to learn about the complexities of the Universe.