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As humans we grow from infancy to childhood and from there on to adolescence/teenage hood and finally we become full blown adults. There are certain habits, thought patterns or cognitive styles that we adopt at different stages of our development, some of them we outgrow them, some we conciously drop them at some point while there are others that follows us to adulthood and becomes an integral part of us to the point that if conscious efforts aren't made to change or stop them we just continue with them for the rest of our lives.
Some of these habits may be very good and beneficial to us and we should be encouraged to keep at it, but some might be very unhealthy that if we don't learn to refrain from them, they might be disastrous to us in later times.
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Over thinking is a classical example of these habit or thought patterns that one adopts or develops over time. It is the ability of an individual to excessively analyze, think, ponder or reflect on their thoughts, experiences, feelings or actions, which could in turn lead to worrying, anxiety, inability to let go, indecisiveness, mental and physical exhaustion and a host of other negative outcomes.
I would like to describe myself as an over thinker. I always find myself repeatedly analyzing or thinking about my past experiences, actions and thoughts or sometimes when i'm about taking steps or doing something I haven't done before i tend to worry about the action i'm about to take. You would see me thinking about potential problems that may arise as a result of this thing i'm about to do or I would just be playing worse-case scenarios that are likely to spring up when I go ahead to do this. Most times it leads to me being worried and anxious, having this terrible fear of the unknown and most times it makes me unable to do what I wanted to do again.
I have tried to get rid of this habit but it seems to have stuck with me for too long . Initially I couldn't exactly pinpoint or explain it, but in recent times having carried out self-appraisal on myself that was when I discovered that I was a chronic over thinker. I keep telling myself that this my thought pattern isn't healthy for me and it has limited me in several ways and has prevented me from facing my fears and taking up challenging tasks; but then stopping it is the problem.
One event that happened that made me overthink, to a point that I started doubting myself and my ability was when after I had just graduated from college, I started job hunting. I submitted my resume and cover letter to several establishments in my field, anticipating that they would call me for interview and at the end of the day I was definitely going to land a job. Days passed, weeks passed and I didn't get a call from any of these organizations, i started getting worried until finally one called me and requested that I come for interview the next day. The day I received that call I was so excited, it was more or less a breath of fresh air from the long silence I had experienced.
On the said day of the interview, I went there as early as possible and after waiting for sometime I was led into the HR office to be interviewed. The interview started on a good note, I was asked several questions and I tried answering them to the best of my ability, after the interview the interviewer began pointing out the errors and mistakes I made, he spotted out errors in almost everything I said and finally told me that from what he saw I was inexperienced for the role I applied for and they couldn't employ me. I was heartbroken, dejected and I felt like a failure. I kept on thinking about the entire scenario that played out, thinking of what I could have done differently that would have made them hire me.
I didn't even know how I got home that day, because I could remember that at some point my legs could no longer carry me. Immediately I got home I went straight to my room and shut the door, I cried until I slept off. It was until evening that I finally came out of my room. My entire family were so worried about me, they tried coming to check up on me but my door was locked and they knocked severally but I wasn't responding. They called my phone but I didn't pick up, so they got really worried. I felt bad for making them go through such stress and I immediately apologized to them and then narrated my ordeal to them. They felt so sorry for me, they sympathized with me and encouraged me to still look up for more opportunities and that I shouldn't let this one experience deter me from looking out for other job offers, rather I should channel my energy to pick up the lessons from the mistakes I made, I should correct them and get myself better prepared next time.
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This experience plagued me for so long, it made me feel very inadequate, like I wasn't good for any job in my field of expertise. It made me so scared to apply for jobs in other firms, thinking that the same thing was going to still play out. Despite all the encouragements from close family and friends I still just couldn't, I was wallowing in self-doubt and self-pity. I allowed this one experience to define me, that I was a failure. It was a very depressing phase of my life, I lost my joy and drive. My life became gloomy, I hardly stepped out of my room, I barely smiled or talked with people. It was more or less like my life got paused.
On one fateful day I was just going round the street of Facebook when I came across a video where a motivational speaker was talking about facing our fears and one word he used was "do it afraid", he said it is better we do that thing that scares us the most afraid than not doing it at all. In the caption of the video I noticed that it was an excerpt of his podcast, and the link of the full podcast was there, immediately I clicked on it and I listened to the full podcast. Immediately I did that my mood improved, one word I held unto was that "Do it Afraid".
Immediately I picked relevant materials in my field I studied them, I tweaked my resume and my cover letter and started my job hunting process. I sent them to various recruiters, and this time I received so many invitation to come for interview which I did. Infact the first two I went for immediately after the interview, the interviewers said they were really impressed by my performance and that they would get back to me, not quiet long I received a mail from the both of them telling me that I had been hired, it was now left for me to choose the one that I would work with. At the end of the day I chose the one who their mode of operation aligns with my goals and I know that I could gain hands-on experience and grow professionally.
This was one event that made me know that I was an over thinker. I kept on thinking about the bad experience I had, which made me worried and scared to try applying to other firms. I'm really grateful for that podcast I listened to, probably it was the therapy I needed at that moment.
In recent times to control my over thinking nature, I am learning to challenge and change negative thoughts that pops up in my mind that have the tendency to limit me. Once I recognize them, I immediately refrain from them and rather dwell on positive thoughts. I have started practicing declaring words of affirmations daily as a lifestyle.
Also I have learnt to treat myself with kindness instead of being too hard on myself, telling myself that uncertainty is part of life and I can't have everything under control at all times.
So Hiveans this is my little contribution in response to the prompt for this week. I hope you enjoy reading it. Also, I would love to read from others to know those that are over thinkers like me and those that are pretty laid back. Till you read from me again, Have a beautiful weekend.
Love ❤️
Federicah.
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