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I was walking along the road browsing the web on my phone trying not to bump into people. Occasionally I could hear a tut and see a disapproving shake of the head at my seeming internet addiction. Ah, but what did they know? It's the 21st century after all!
The journey home usually took about 30 minutes. I was typing out a message to my wife about ten minutes into my walk when a notification popped up.
Internet is not available.
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What? What in the blazes? I must be in a dead spot. I walked on a bit further, hmm, still no internet. This was very odd. There wasn't even a weak signal.
I raised my phone up above my head to see if I could get a better reception.
Nothing.
I waved it about a bit.
Still nothing.
Gaar, what was going on? Was the Internet broken? I looked around for obvious signs. There was nothing too obvious. No aeroplanes falling out of the sky, no burst water mains or traffic pile-ups. That was odd? If the internet really was broken that's what you always saw in the movies. Had I been sold a pup?
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I switched my phone off then on. That was always a winner. However, when the phone rebooted it still showed the same symbol in the notifications bar. This was a disaster. I had a sudden and aching need to have access to the internet. What if right now some wildly important message had just been emailed to me, or sent by WhatsApp? What if the sky was falling down? Surely someone would have to go and tell the King?
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I saw a library to my left. Phew. I quickly dived in, they were bound to have wifi. I could at least reassure myself that there were no immediate emergencies going on in the world that I would have to deal with. Not that I am some kind of superhero you understand. No no, I am just a normal bloke although I do have a pair of Superman pants. I shall venture no further with that story though.
All was quiet in the library. I ran over to the reception desk.
Do you have the internet?
I asked somewhat frantically.
The lady behind the desk sniggered.
We have wifi if that is what you are asking?
Yes, please. Can I have the password?
Are you a member?
I scoffed. A member of the library? What was this, the eighties? Were people still members of libraries?
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Eh no, afraid not. I just need the internets.
She bent over and pulled a big looking application form out from under the desk.
Please return this with evidence of your address and we will process your application.
I kinda need the internet just now, I don't have evidence of my address on me.
The kind lady smirked.
Then no internets for you young man.
We faced each other over the counter. I tried to break her will by the sheer force of my gaze but it didn't seem to work. Dammit!
I skulked away huffily like a cat that has mistakenly eaten some Tofu-rkey.
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Eventually, I got home. I was in a high state of anxiety that I had been without the internet for a mammoth 20 odd minutes. Was this how people felt in the 20th century? How did they cope? I mean, you can't sing songs around a piano all the time, can you?
As I entered the house my phone vibrated with the familiar buzz of notifications flooding in. That was a relief, at least the whole internet wasn't broken and it seemed to only be my network provider.
I whipped my phone out and checked the message. Was it my mum? My wife? Someone from the future with dire advice about next week?
It was an email.
Dear Sir, You could be eligible for 700,000 dollars! Don't miss out,,
