I got a screaming, naggin’ wife,

Makes me wanna end my goddamn life,

Go head for the kitchen, grab a knife,

A quick end to all this suffering and strife.

It just don’t matter how much I bitch and I moan,

The only escape being perched on the porcelain throne.

Why she gotta criticise me all the damn time?*

Pick fights, throws fits, a constant hollering and whine,

I bust my ass trying to save every nickel and dime,

Nine to five, trying to stay alive. Is that my only crime?

I can’t do nothing right, feel as useful as a concrete parachute,

Anymore of that droning crap, I’mma give myself the boot,

Down the road to the nearest bar, hoping she don’t give pursuit,

God I pray they playing Russian Roulette tonight, just pull the trigger and shoot.

Her voice is shrill, piercing as hell, if only I could shut down my brain,

But life don’t give you no emergency cord, just keeps you enduring the pain,

I was free long ago, when my home was my keep and these lands were mine to reign,

But that one paper sign, on that small dotted line… Freedom just got flushed down the drain.