Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9Part 10 Birthday Intermission Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20Intermission No. 2 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Intermission No. 3 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Intermission No. 4 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Intermission No. 4 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Intermission No. 5 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77
I tucked a few little notes in his luggage like I had done on his other trips away hoping he would think of me and remember our love when he happened upon them.
I felt so deeply his leaving me...
leaving the Garden of Eden...
leaving our life...leaving our love...leaving everything we had built together.
I drove him to the airport to catch a plane to Tucson, just as I had driven my was-band to the airport to catch his last flight away from our lives together. We didn’t have much left to say, but my lap quickly became soaked as the tears stream down in constant flow. I paid no attention to the puddle as it was nothing in comparison to the gaping gorge that was bleeding inside my chest.
We pulled up to the departures to unload his belongings, and turned to look in each others eyes one last time. I could barely see him through my tears but I could feel the intensity of love never ending. The pure love that I felt from his soul made me steady on the inside, while my body was only capable of succumbing to the vibration of my over stimulated nervous system.
He reached over to touch me. I burst into sobs, though I tried to keep from completely losing myself in him, knowing there would be nothing left of me if I let myself go. He pulled me into his lap We wrapped ourselves around each other, feeling the love that was beyond words, beyond the senses, beyond imagination. I was filling up even as I was emptying, knowing for certain that our love was much deeper than the sharing of ourselves on this physical plane.
He would likely never again call me Lambkin
or gaze again into my soul.
I would likely never ride on his back,
or wrap my legs around his waist immersed in a deep, voluptuous kiss. I may never travel with him,
lie next to him, wake up next to his beautiful spirit, put my head on his chest, have our heart beats in perfect sync, puzzle our bodies together in perfect form,
receive acrosage from him, rub our heads together to make the sound only we could make, or feed each other with our fingers. We may never build another garden together,
dance under the moon,
make love in the most surprising places,
give each other a massage or even touch each other’s skin.
We may never run our fingers through each other’s hair, lie in the sun, create art together,
host events together, create a one-of-a-kind meal,
soak in the hot springs, laugh uncontrollably together,
immerse ourselves in nature,
fall asleep in each others arms,
take photographs of and with each other,
get silly with each other,
watch movies together, gift each other a sunset or sunrise,
camp in silence,
create magical alchemy together,
sing or make music from our souls together.
We may never live in peace, harmony and eternal love together.
In fact, we may never even see each other ever again.
“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.
Wow, I wanted to cry while writing this post. I can still feel the intensity of my ideas of finality, of all or nothing, of limited love, and of losing the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm so grateful for opportunity to reflect, to have grown, to stay connected, and to share.
Thank you for reading my blog and for going
on this journey with me toward Unconditional Love!
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