Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9Part 10 Birthday Intermission Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20Intermission No. 2 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Intermission No. 3 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Intermission No. 4 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Intermission No. 4 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Intermission No. 5 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74
Returning from India would be bittersweet for Quinn. The ending of an epic adventure with so many fresh, new, insightful experiences, amplified skills to add to his repertoire, and love being shared around the globe would soon transform into his own new personal life changing journey. He would get to tangibly embrace the drastic changes that were taking place via a new budding love relationship, as well as the new life being created with his DNA.
I, on the other hand, felt the bitter, but had a hard time tasting the sweet. Of course the deeper core energetics of eternal love I was opening to was awakened within me, however, I would have to find a way to actually live that vibration potentially without seeing or touching Quinn ever again. I could feel the sadness well up inside of me though I tried to hold it at bay while in his presence. I didn’t want to waste one precious moment of sweet togetherness.
This trip had truly been a miraculous one. I found out so much about myself and got in touch with places inside that I didn’t ever before have reason to discover. With the shift in our relationship I still wished that I had no reason to dig so deeply, but obviously I had a lot of dysfunctional energetics that needed to be addressed. This wasn’t the way I wanted to go about it, but I did become aware that allowing it all to stay inside of me didn’t serve me at all.
I breathed in all the last delicious sips of the beautiful moments we had to share together. This trip was a HUGE shift in my life path. I was grateful to be experiencing so much newness in India, and for such a profound reality with Quinn. We really immersed ourselves in the vibrancy of life in India, while personally tearing open the fabric of existence.
I hated the thought of stepping back on the plane to return to Texas as I knew that likely meant our time together would be limited. One foot in front of the other I kept stepping. One step closer to our separation, yet hopefully also one step closer to finding myself. The sadness I could feel was overpowering my hope, but time just kept on ticking as our trip back home (my old home, and potentially his new home) was nearing the horizon.
I learned to breathe deeply to find my balance as I knew I was going to have to stand alone without the infusion of his delicious time and attention. We continually snuggled up together to ingest as much love as we could hold. Separation of a love so potent seemed so surreal. I had a hard time imagining that he could love someone more than this that would make his life more rewarding and more fulfilling than the intensity of what we shared.
We wrapped ourselves in each other as we spanned the distance from one far off land to home. The closer we got to Texas, the more I tried to keep my mind from wandering, staying in the moment to enjoy every last sip from our overflowing cup.
I was amazed that the cup we had perpetually filled with such magnanimous love, which appeared to have been emptied by another love, still continued to overflow. Since I had once loved two men at the same time I could get a sense of the vastness of love, but I had never experienced anything to this degree nor intensity. I was also the one who was loving two men, not one who was being left behind for another.
It took everything I had to stay present, though I found the true benefits of not getting caught up in ideas and projecting future moments that would take away from my now. It wasn't without struggle or constant, vigilant attention, but the rewards of presence were what helped me through, as well as an insurmountable dose of gratitude for getting to experience a love so deep and my cup so full.
Enter the @gardenofeden website to to see how we're doing our part to change the world.
