Challenging Love to Be Unconditional - PART 71

IS IT ME?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Birthday Intermission Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Intermission No. 2 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Intermission No. 3 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Intermission No. 4 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Intermission No. 4 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Intermission No. 5 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Pasrt 70

I would way rather have blamed Quinn than feel this was me. I knew I could justify why his actions were the problem and why “what he did to me” was such a horrible thing.

We talked for hours after I raged and collapsed into my own pity puddle. I knew that what Quinn shared with me was obviously a freer, more empowered, enlightened, other worldly perspective. Up until this point I had been holding on to making him the bad guy and responsible for my happiness, which didn’t feel good, but at least I had someone else to blame for this mess!

I took a parade of deep breaths as some of the things I had gleaned through my years with Quinn came flooding back to me:

Everything that happens in my life is all about me. In the grand scheme of things it matters not what others do. I knew I was at least half of the equation in this situation, and if I wasn’t in the mix, it wouldn’t be happening at all! If I didn’t take responsibility for simply being in it myself, I would remain a victim, which I definitely didn’t want to be--now or ever again! I would have little to say in my life and instead would have to attempt to make Quinn be who I wanted him to be so I could feel better about myself. Ha! Just try that with a free man!
What we fear we draw near! I had been afraid for months that he may find someone else. This was me, my fear, my own vibration, what I was bringing to the table. I manifested a potent situation so I could finally address this inner turmoil within myself.
Clear, real, potent communication takes two people being open for an exchange. I had been too afraid to hear anything that wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I even met his attempts to tell me with a brick wall made of NOs! This inability to listen was me, my own fear again!

OMG it is me it is me it is me! I am in this situation. I AM! I AM responsible. Holy fuck! Does it even matter what he did or didn’t do? If I’m responsible for my own experience, then I have to know that I created this situation, and am having the opportunity to see myself through it all. YUCK! OH GOD! NO! Why have I done this to myself? Why was I so afraid that I manifested a situation to face my greatest fears! Blahhhhhhhh…..DAMN!