Humans are social beings, we form relations with one another as a means of expressing our affection and forming meaningful relationships. There are various reasons why humans form relationships, it might be for companionship, business related depending on what a human seeks from a relationship determines the overall outcome of the relationship. Humans mind is controlled by our desires, as long as what a human desire to derive in a relationship remains we will keep maintaining the relationship till it is not.
As the relationship progress, either friendship, romantic relationship or family relations there is a possibility it might become toxic at one point all the other. What does toxicity mean in a relationship? In the simplest form, it means a point when all a human derives from a relationship is discomfort, it could be as a result of a lot of things. Probably because the purpose of the relationship suddenly no longer exist, let's take a love oriented relationship for instance, two individuals are in love with each other as a result of that they formed a relationship which they believe will last for eternity. It is natural for every human to believe our ability to feel for someone is infinite but logically it is not.
Affairs of love and affection is not so simple, not trying to sound cynical but I believe for every now and then we need a reason to be in love with someone. It can be the comfort they provide, stability or attention or lust. Our feelings towards a person is always attached to something like an ANCHOR that keeps people glued together. Now here is where it becomes complex, one of the most constant thing in a human life is change which doesn't apply to physical change only, gradually we are bound to change emotionally over time. Which means things we find desirable might change over time, in so doing it affects every kind of relationship we are in. In this case, for two individuals we are in love with each other are not immune to change.
As they experience this change, its changes individual personality and character building. Now this goes in different ways, as an individual if what you like about a person is the attention they give or their calmness but suddenly a change occurs in that person's life that results to them not being able to give you the attention or calmness is much love about them then your affection for such a person is bound to change. The second scenario is, what you love about a person might still remain but you as a person have changed and doesn't find what you used to like about the person desirable anymore, you now want something which might be what the person in question might not be able to offer then it cause a shift in your affection.
In both cases, for matured individuals with understanding mindset they find a way work out a solution as they navigate their differences or new found behaviour but for those who are unable to do so the relationship becomes toxic, they no longer find each other attractive. The anchor that bounds both parties together no longer exist, the river of their affection has suddenly run dry. Some try but when the attraction is no longer there it becomes a lot difficult to tolerate one another, two lovers will suddenly become strangers like they never once mattered to each other. In the process of this there is bound to be any kind of ill treatment towards each other because the reality is, it is only when we love someone that we become blind to their mistakes and imperfections. Like they say "Love conquereth all"
Despite the rate of the toxicity there are those who still choose to remain in the relationship, it makes you wonder why? This could be due to lot of reasons but I will only illustrate two out of various causes. The first is that, at the beginning of a relationship becoming toxic there is a stage called "Denial stage" it is a stage when a person is not a able to acknowledge or confront the toxicity in a relationship. Humans affection towards one another is never equal, there is always a party that loves more the other, remember when partner "A" no longer have affection towards "B", the affection of "B" towards "A" might still remain the same. Which means partner "B" will keep hoping things will change for the better and it might never. The most annoying thing about the denial stage is that it doesn't have a definite duration, some wake up early while there are those who experience a life time of toxic relationship and still choose remain to remain in the relationship because what anchors them to their partner is still there.
The second cause still borders around the anchor of the relationship but in this case a person intentionally chose not to acknowledge the toxicity in a relationship not because they are not aware of it but due to the benefits they derive from the relationship. This kind of denial in toxicity is common among those with wealthy partners, partner "A" might be partner "B" source of financial stability, due to the financial dependency "B" would never want to acknowledge the toxicity in the relationship till he/she either achieve financial independence or probably die in the process.
What can be done to reduce the rate of such act? Well the answer to this is not that simple, it all boils down to individual choices. You can't help someone who refuses to acknowledge toxicity in their relationship, especially those who are intentionally denying the toxicity. Which means the society can't help those who don't want to be helped because when you report to the authorities and the victim claims there is nothing wrong in their home. The only sensible solution I can proffer is for we to create a friendly sector that deals with toxic relationship and create awareness for it, educating people about dangers of toxic relationship, so when the victims are ready to get help they would know where to go.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "Even when toxic" in hive learners community.
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