Being in need, is something natural for every human. We all need something. As I grew older I realized that, it is one thing to be in need of help and it is another to have the courage to seek help. How do I feel about asking for help? it is the most difficult thing for me to do. I can't really explain it in details, I just know I prefer to be the one that offers help to people than being the type of person, that disturbs people for help.
Having a personality such as this, majority of people around me tends to assume I have everything figured out or I'm being prideful, which is not true. How I do explain that I'm too terrified to seek help? how do I explain that the firm face I carry on is just a mask I have created, to keep my emotions under control?
With my personality, people often come to me for help and I often try my best to give all I can. They smile and say something; "Dami we knew you would have something for us". They all look up to me for help. With this, they deprive me of having someone to look up to for help. I mean, if I tell people that I'm having difficulty figuring something out, they will be like "is it not you, you will figure it out". I'm quite aware of how resourceful I'm but there are times I just need help just like everyone else.
I remember during my NYSC, I discovered that the community I was posted to lacks electricity, before it could affect me any further I bought a solar panel. I discovered the community market lacks good provisions, I made sure I get whatever provision I needed, from another community, anytime we go for our monthly biometric clearance. enough provision to last me till the next clearance.
I was always prepared for whatever is to come, because I strongly believe I have no one to run to. But my colleagues perceived this wrongly. Anytime we were given money by our boss at my PPA, my colleagues would feel like I don't need it because I'm more financial stable than they are. I always find this very funny because we all receive the same allowance, the only difference is that I make sure I spend mine effectively.
There was a time they even made me argue the fact that I have never been "broke" before, I felt so ridiculous. This is because I'm not the kind of person, that complains whenever I'm going through financial troubles and I don't bother people with my own financial troubles, which is something common among corp members. Since they discover that I don't seek financial help from anyone, it proves I'm more financial stable than they are.
This inability to ask for help had been my personality for as long as I can remember. I wasn't born like this, I'm sure of it but what I realized was that, if you suffer series of disappoints and betrayal at a young age from families, friends and loved ones, You suddenly feel the need to toughen up and rely on yourself for everything.
Even when I'm desperate, I prefer to keep pushing till I fall apart or someone comes to my aid without waiting for me to ask. As much as I want to let go and ask for help, I can't seem to overcome it. The advantage of it is that, it made me work really hard to achieve my objectives, without waiting to be saved.
What are the benefits I have gotten from seeking help? Not seeking help as always worked for me but it has never affected my salesmanship. I prefer asking for help when I have something to offer the person I'm seeking help from, so it becomes a trade. This really helped me greatly when I was trying establish a physical store for my fabric business, I couldn't handle it all on my own. I had no choice but to seek help, I got some and some declined. It was tough but I'm glad I did.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled Asking for help in hive learners community.
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