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What is that one thing you dreaded when you were a kid?
That one thing that is like a trauma for you. That one thing you'll literally do anything just to avoid it.
I'll go first.
You know that moment when your mom asks you to get something from a store and you get a wrong one,then she asks you to return it and get the right one?
Yeah
It sounds easy but that was one thing I dreaded when I was a kid.
In the typical Nigerian home,mothers use different methods whenever they want their children to buy something from the store.
Sometimes they'll spit on the soil and ask you to return before the spit dries up,that is,if they want you to go and return very fast. So in case you don't want to get scolded or even slapped as the case may be,you have to "run faster than a dog" as my mom will say.
The dog is not even the fastest animal but who are you to argue at that point?
Most times, they'll ask you to keep repeating the name of the item you're asked to buy,infact use it as a song so that you won't forget.
Why won't they just give you a list?
That's where my problem started.
One time in the past,when I was like 8 years old,my mom called me and said
"Take this 500 naira, go and buy 2 sachets of peak milk and and 2 sachets of Ovaltine and 1 So-klin, you'll have a change of 250. Go fast and come back now now"
I said okay and rushed off
"Say it as you go!" My mom yelled after me.
I started saying"2 peak milk ,2 Ovaltine,1 so-klin"
I had no problems until this boy,famous for his trouble making skills in the neighborhood comes along and starts mimicking me,infact saying the opposite of what I'm saying
I say"2 peak milk ,2 Ovaltine,1 so-klin"
He says "2 so-klin,1 peak milk,2 Ovaltine" even jumbling the numbers . This goes on for while before he lets me be.
My moment of being unfortunate started when I had to go to this woman's store because her store was the only one open that sunday. She was known for her bad mouth and short temper,ever ready to embarass you over any small mishap
"Good morning ma, I want milk, Ovaltine and so-klin"
"Which milk?" She asks
"Peak"
"How many?"
Now how am I supposed to remember after that distraction on the way. The woman was already looking at me impatiently.
"2 peak milk,2 Ovaltine and 2 so-klin"
"Are you sure"she asks and I confirm yes
She gives me the items and 200 naira change.
"Ma,my mummy said you'll give me 250"
"250 how? Your change is 200" she said obviously getting irritated
Then an idea struck
"Please remove one thing so my change can be 250,my mummy will beat me"
"See me,see trouble o,what should I remove now?" The woman was ready at this moment to make me disappear"Go back and ask your mummy what she said,then come and take your things"
Me, already knowing that my mom will scold me after wasting so much time refused to go back because it will mean another trouble.
"Remove 1 peak milk,I remember she said 1 peak milk"
The woman didn't even talk,she took the 1 peak milk, giving me a deadly glare and giving me the remaining 50 naira and adding "if you like,go and throw this money away"
I got home to mom already waiting for me and giving me that bombastic side eye. I handed her the things and the change, turning to go immediately
"Come back here"
Aghhh
"I said 2 peak milk,2 Ovaltine,1 so-klin!"
Before I could even start explaining,she drops the bomb
"Go back and change it, don't waste my time"
This is me walking back to that woman's shop, expecting to the worse because I know she will never listen to anything I say and knowing that if I go back to my mom with those things the same way, I'll not know peace
Much like the devil and the deep blue sea
This is my trauma