Most times all you need when you feel too depressed, discouraged and not in the mood to lift the pen and write is an inspirational friend such as 
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A SEARCH TO FIND MYSELF
I have to run…as fast as my heart can carry me…run so far away from myself! Why does it have to be me?…. Why must everything about me be so complicated?…… I’m not listening to myself this time,my heart is crumbling!(panting) my mind is at war!(shuddering)
…..It has always been me,trying to make things right..I never cared much about how I felt! all I have always done was make others comfortable..even to the detriment of my own happiness! I had to keep it all together no matter what(if only I had known that I was compiling issues for my heart..if only I knew that I was breaking “me” bit -by -bit’)……… Was it really me being accommodating? Was it me being tolerantand kind?Or was it me trying to be what I’m not?
Aha! It was cowardice! A show of outright timidityA Trample on ‘self esteem’ A coward who couldn’t stand up for what he really wants thus he wallowed in the guise of Simplicity I had unconsciously become a pretender! The same heart I had wanted to protect have I lured to the garden of thorns… just to be secured I toyed with insecurity I hurt him a lot more because I didn’t want to hurt him!..i acted too perfect to be real for him..(too perfect,too good,extremely holy and always understanding even when no normal being would understand)…i wanted to be that perfect friend for him and ended up loosing my friend…My perfect mistake! …I didn’t know that me not speaking it out just as it was,was me building a bridge..with both of us at each end of the bridge,so farther apart…we’ve been demarcated by an ocean! Only through great risk can we meet so close
…I can’t continue to reminisce on how wrong I’ve made things be….trying to be that good son, fighting to be that good steward,that man that always made things right while avoiding mistakes…. I have to be less selfish.. “myself” has so long denied my heart of peace! ……I could mend my heart!…being good is not in being PERFECT!!! Being good is not in being POLITICAL!!! Being good is not in avoiding MISTAKES!!!….Being good is in living ‘that PEACE’ that comes from being TRUE #because only TRUTH could set my heart FREE! And that ‘truth’ has taught me how to love GENUINELY!!
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