I often have people ask me what it's really like to live with depression as they don't get it. I have a full-time job, I'm going to university, I go out with my friends and I am seeing someone. But what they don't see is what happens behind the scenes when I'm by myself.
They don't see the nights I cry myself to sleep, the mornings I stay in bed until the last minute possible until I have to leave for work. They don't see me starving myself for a day because I hate the way I look but then binging because I feel so down. They don't see the scars on my body that are a reminder of the things I went through. They don't see things through my eyes.
When I describe my depression to someone I sometimes even know where to start, there are days when I can conquer anything and I am happy doing so but there are also days when I don't want to leave the house or even speak to someone on the phone. A lot of people think having depression is just feeling unhappy or sad for a little bit.
When in fact you can feel so worthless and invisible you think that no one would notice if you just disappeared. But you remember your friends and family and how you couldn't inflict that much pain on them. You don't want them to start feeling the way you do. So you carry on like nothing is wrong. Eventually, you become so numb to all of these feelings and you don't feel anything anymore. Even just a smile to a stranger in the street can cause so much exhaustion you just want to sleep for hours. Bringing yourself to talk to someone can use up all of your energy, you constantly feel drained but you fight the urge so people don't ask you what's wrong as you wouldn't know where to even begin.
I'm not making this post for sympathy or anything because my depression is completely under control, but I just wanted to make something where others can read what it can be like for someone with depression. Telling them to just get over it won't help. Sit with them, try to understand how they feel. If you can't understand, just reassure them that you're there for them. It's hard for them to open up and I know it can be frustrating waiting until they do but they will be so thankful that you waited for them.
