It's been 2 days since I read Gulag Archipelago by Alexander Solzhenitsyn. It is a really gory book, at least that is what Dr. Jordan Peterson said. Listening to the audiobook and not getting spooked out has me feeling that there might be something wrong with me.
The main thing that's more important to me is the fact that I have side projects in my life. I have a few principles I have been following that help make this easy for me while living within the hospital premises:
- I will not go to work late
- I will do all my duties in the best quality I can provide
- I will do my extracurriculars- go to the gym, catch up with loved ones, work on mini projects, and take care of myself.
It's regarding the 3rd point I've had to write down this post. I suffer, like go through pain when I don't live my life with a direction.
I remember earlier in the month I would come back from work and just go straight to bed with my phone. Besides the fact that I know that I have many projects that I need to be working on, my laundry quickly starts to pile up.
Earlier this month too I had to deal with the pain of not meeting any targets whatsoever. Before I changed course I was hoping to go to the US and practice as a doctor after writing the appropriate exams. It took some time but I realized that I was chasing someone else's dreams and not mine.
Now I am working on multiple projects while working extra jobs so that I can not feel like I am not doing everything I can and not feel like I am in a hole I dug up for myself.
I just want to be at peace with myself.