One thing I wasn't told as a child when growing up was that Life is hard. Maybe my parents wanted me to find that out myself. It took just a short time for me to figure this one as I advanced in age, when my parents said we couldn't afford this, I misconcepted it for "we wouldn't give you". Parents should have everything, they're adult and should not lack, was my adolescent mind speaking to everything they withdrew from me. It was easy fallen back to them whenever I needed something, it seems as if my eyes were veiled, veiled from seeing the grin my father put on each time I come home with pack of things I wanted him to do. Amidst the difficulty, he hid the pain and took the extra mile to ensure I did not notice his weakness or felt he wasn't strong enough to take up his responsibilities. Little me, how would I have known that amidst the smiles were pains beneath?, young and tender, my need was all I placed before me, little did I know life is full of vicissitudes and it seems to come just after another and its as if we were born to keep fighting till death.
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Now I'm a father, a perfect time to know what my father kept buried within himself, a time to trend on the same path he had taken. The music of melodies filled the atmosphere as I welcome my first son, "you're now a father" people complemented as they exchanged handshake and pleasantries, little did I understood the gravity of what awaited me. I walked around the room nodding my head in delight as words of congratulations resounded unendingly. As a ritual, a big goat was slaughtered to celebrate the arrival of my first strength. After a week I realized I was spending double of my income, money seems to fly before I could grab it's wings. diapers, pampers, new clothes, money for drugs, food etc. Ringed a bell on my brain, I never thought about this, could this be what it means to be a father? I asked myself as I shock my empty pocket. "The baby's food is finish" a voice called me back to consciousness, I put my hands into my empty pocket expecting to pull out some money by magic, but disappointed as my hands returned empty, a grin began to form on my chin.
By Faith I took a walk outside hoping to find a miraculous way to free myself off the anger and vexation that comes with lack, but here I was biting my lower lips. I won't allow myself to be defeated I said, maybe my father never showed any weakness because he wanted us to do the same, the pain and anger kept boiling it veins, tormenting my heart but I couraged myself to remain steadfast, I had pledged to be a father and had taken the anthem to serve my family, it was a call of no repentance. I buckled up, I will work extra jobs and do odds jobs if that will free me off the guilt and take up my responsibilities I said. Now I'm a father, and it takes courage to become one.