Theme: The difference between genuine kindness and transactional generosity, and how the desire to be seen as a good person can compromise our intentions, morality, and Christian beliefs.
The Lie of Being a Good Person
There is a particular kind of performance that happens in Nigerian hostels and school environments. Someone gives you food, lends you money, helps you with a task, or does you a favour, and suddenly, they occupy the position of a morally superior person. They present themselves as someone who gives out of the goodness of their heart, someone who expects nothing in return. But if you pay attention long enough, you might discover that their generosity comes with an invisible contract.
They may never tell you what they expect, but the expectation is there. Perhaps they want you to help them when they are in trouble, defend them when people speak badly about them, or remain loyal to them even when they are wrong. Sometimes, all they want is the satisfaction of knowing that you owe them something. Their kindness becomes a means of establishing leverage over another person.
The interesting part is that expecting something in return is not necessarily evil. Human relationships naturally involve reciprocity. You help someone today, and they might help you tomorrow. There is nothing inherently immoral about that arrangement. The problem begins when someone insists that their intentions are completely selfless while secretly expecting repayment. They want the benefits of a transaction without admitting that a transaction ever took place.
This is where the performance of goodness becomes interesting. Some people are less concerned with actually being good than with maintaining the image of being good. They want to be remembered as generous, respected as selfless, and praised for their sacrifices. Their actions might benefit another person, but their underlying motivation is partly directed towards themselves. The recipient becomes a participant in their personal story about being an exceptional human being.
Christianity makes this particularly complicated. Jesus teaches about giving without expecting anything back and warns against performing righteous acts simply to receive recognition from others. The distinction is not necessarily between helping someone and receiving something in return. It is between helping someone because you genuinely care about their well-being and helping them because you want to secure an advantage, whether that advantage is material, social, or emotional.
Of course, nobody has perfectly pure intentions all the time. We are complicated people, and we can genuinely care about someone while also enjoying the appreciation we receive from helping them. That does not automatically make our kindness fraudulent. The question is whether our desire for recognition or repayment eventually becomes more important than the person we claim to be helping.
Consider what happens when the person you helped cannot repay you. They have no money to lend you, no connections to offer, and no useful favour to return. Would you still treat them with the same respect? Would your generosity suddenly become a reason to insult them, remind them of their debts, or demand loyalty they never agreed to give you?
Your answer might reveal more about your character than the original favour ever could.
Perhaps the real test of generosity is not how much we give when there is something to gain, but how we behave when there is nothing left to collect. You do not have to pretend that every favour is completely selfless. You only have to be honest enough to recognise your own intentions.
Because there is a difference between helping somebody and purchasing a position in their life. One is an act of generosity. The other is a transaction disguised as virtue.