I haven't been around on Hive for a while, not because I've been focusing on other stuff, precisely, but simply because I haven't had the motivation to sit down and write. I have like three or four posts in drafts, they're pretty advanced and yet, I can't bring myself to finish them. I question whether they're useful or interesting, whether they work for this community or I should find another (discoverability is a big issue in this platform.)
Just now, I realized that one of my issues with producing content here is that I've set myself for writing only medium-length pieces. I rarely have so much to write about that I can end up with 2,000 words in a single post, but for some reason I feel uncomfortable putting out only 400-500 words too. Most of my posts are about 700-1,000 words for this reason and this is sometimes troublesome because I force myself to fill a quota of words when everything I could say the same thing I wanted to say for less investment. It's just odd to write in short-form here.
As I write this post, I'm starting to see the above is just a shallow concern hiding something else, a more important topic. I've been having nice experiences lately, with the people I've been meeting and the places I've been visiting. New things stuff is happening in my life socially, but part of me feels kinda stuck, a bit stagnant. I made a decision to dedicate myself solely to my spiritual work and every single message I've received supports this choice, but I still don't feel the freedom to move at leisure, to gain enough leeway to do all the things that I want to do. I tell myself to be patient, that there's no reason to worry or lose calm, and that's true, I have no major concerns in my everyday life and things are opening up for me.
However, content creation is a tough sell. It undeniably has its fun and I feel that I've grown a lot both personally and technically while doing it, but doing this alone and with no immediate return for investment does bring up some insecurities, I confess, hahaha. That said, my growth will continue because I'm going to attend a two-day course next week with an amazing team of audiovisual creators where I'll finally get some in-person training on video pre-production and post-production. I don't know where that'll lead me but I know I'm going to be a lot better at this after I get that knowledge and I'm excited for something else as well: there's a pattern in my professional life, every time I attend a course to get formal training on something, I end up working on that field. It happened with my AutoCAD lessons, then with my legal translation lessons. I'm eager to see what doors this new course opens for me.
All my life I've been self-taught. I get into whatever interests me and explore it in as much depth as I'm able. That's how I've gotten by without a degree and I don't regret a thing. I suppose right now my only issue is dealing with a certain sense of discouragement. I don't always feel like putting something up, investing the energy that a written post like this takes, or recording and editing videos that very few people watch and almost nobody comments on. Small steps, I know, and I'm grateful to have the time and live in a situation that allows me to afford the luxury of taking breaks from this.
I don't complain about anything, every time I feel like a complain is bubbling up into the surface, and transform it into something else, something beautiful. I imagine this was the reason for my writing this post. Interesting. I started it without a focus, just a vague theme. In the process of writing it, I found the reason why I needed to write it. This is an everyday thing, it's life itself. These doubts and concerns are everywhere and they affect everybody. Right now, for instance, my friend in Argentina is going through a far heavier situation than I've been in years, and she depends on me to support her. Other people do too, that's the idea of being a spiritual worker, after all.
So I'm grateful as well for the possibility to have this channel of communication where I can share these things, process them and let them go. I don't know if this will be useful to anyone, I don't know if someone will read it, but I guess that's beside the point, right? Content creation isn't about getting interactions, but about expressing myself, sharing what I need and want to share whenever and wherever I feel comfortable doing it.
Funny, I ended up fulfilling my word quota again, hahahaha. I definitely think this is my sweet spot for text, particularly personal insights like these. Anyway, if you read this and got this far, know that I really appreciate it! Thank you!
