With the fever finally withdrawing its ferocious grasp on me, I've been left feeling rather weak and....depressed.
Now, it's not like I'm new at feeling like utter shit. I deal with it more than I'd like to admit. It's a gloomy cloud that hangs over my head frequently if I have to say. And to be honest, I feel I've grown quite attached to it. What's life without a little blue, eh?
But this time around, this depression seemed to have brought over some of its relatives along the way, and my brain being an already overfilled house, dealing with these new shitty things is proving to be quite the challenge.
For instance, I seemed to have grown an angry bone out of nowhere. I'm not going to lie and say I'm the type of person who never gets angry. But the percentage of losing my cool has always been low, and even if I did get angry, the iron grip I had over my emotions hardly ever gave anything out. That is, until now.
My temper knows no bounds these days. Raised voices, irritation, blood boiling sensations and a massive headache to boot have all made their appearance in me, and the struggle I'm facing to even conduct a peaceful conversation with just about anyone is agonising. Which, in return, is just making me angrier. I can even sense a touch of irritation bleeding through my writing these days, and...well, at least I'm putting raw emotions behind words, right..? Things I say to console myself... Positivity is key and all that...
After lying in my bed thinking about this for hours, I finally came to the conclusion that the source of this sudden anger is nothing more than the lack of activity I'm facing. This is definitely not the stage in my life where I should be wasting my time away doing nothing. I have a billion things to do, to be exact. I have books I need to read, studies I need to get on with, video games I need to play, places I need to go, things I need to write...the list can go on and on and on. But am I doing any of them? No.
Instead, I'm just lying on my bed all day long scrolling through youtube...
I guess I'm at my limit of being lazy these days. Just like too much sugar causes cavities, too much laziness is causing me depression and anger. Squeeze the lemon too hard, and it turns sour.
So, best get rid of it before it takes over me completely.