Welcome to Part 4 of "Document 13", a dystopian graphic novel I'm creating with my daughter. Thanks to posting here I've been tweaking and adding to a almost dead project! I welcome any and all feedback! Hopefully she will actually start drawing pages now that it's up and running... 😂
The year is 2074, the world has been plunged into ecological and social ruin. One girl, Sarah Doe, will learn the secrets of the dark forces that led to such catastrophe. With the help of a few friends, her family, and her own powers she will fight to return the world to an order not known since well before her birth. Will she succeed? Read to find out!
If you haven't read the other parts, go back and read them first!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
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Scene:
Outside, near a delivery elevator, Sarah and Robin are waiting for a delivery bot.
Sarah: I’m afraid to test it. What if it was just a fluke?
Robin: Maybe it was. But maybe they have been lying about the air. You don’t know until you try it.
S: Would you?
R: (chuckling) No. But I don’t have the same luck as you. My eyes would probably bug out of my head!
S: (laughing) Yeah, mine only bugged out because I was scared.
R: I’m not testing it today, but maybe sometime…. Hey, did you hear that the headmistress has been tasking some of the girls with philanthropy duty?
S: I thought that was a boy’s job…
R: I dunno. Seems to be a lot of wealthy donors lately willing to pay for girls. I know what I would do if she selected me. (makes a chomping motion and then gags and laughs) I wouldn’t last long, but at least I’d be free of this place.
S: Shhh, here it comes.
The delivery bot rolls close by and the girls jump out and get to work stopping it and exchanging the packages.
S: Hurry, this quadrant has been crawling with dogs. They seem to be worse lately.
They quietly and quickly take care of the task. As the bot rolls away they hear a clatter nearby.
Dog: Stop now trespassers! This is a restricted area. Leave now!
The girls begin to walk away. But Robin trips.
Dog: Lethal force activated!
Other dogs appear and the girls begin to run.
S: You take that alley and I’ll take this one, we’ll meet back at the orphanage!
The girls separate and Sarah manages to escape the dogs and return to the airlock. After awhile she begins to worry. She leaves the airlock and walks back towards the alley.
S: Robin? Where are you?
She hears a faint moan coming from the alley.
S: Robin?
Sarah finds Robin face down with a bleeding hole in her back. She gently rolls her over. Robin’s mask is intact and she is lightly breathing.
S: Robin, don’t worry, I’ll get you back to the orphanage.
She tries to pick her up. Robin cries out in pain.
Sarah hears a crash at the end of the alley. A dog appears.
D: Target re-acquired! Lethal force activated!
S: Dammit! Robin, can you walk at all?
Robin groans.
R: just…leave me. You deserve to live. Go. Go!
Robin removes her mask.
S: No, don’t
R: I won’t let them take me alive…
Sarah reluctantly sets Robin down and begins to walk away. Robin gasps for air. The dog steps towards Robin and aims its gun at her head.
Robin death rattles and Sarah hears a thud. She doesn’t turn around but keeps walking calmly out of the alley.
D: Target self-eliminated. Returning to quadrant.
S: (In her thoughts) I guess it was a fluke.
She cries quietly as she walks back to the orphanage.
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My daughter and I debated this one. She thinks I killed off Robin too soon in the story and that it doesn't have quite the emotional impact as it would if I showed more interaction between them. I think it's useful to move the story along without too much fluff. What do you think?
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