Diffused

Diffused | Ecency

During my college days I was charged with creating a story of my perception of my life experience. I considered how I perceived myself throughout life to that point in time for many days. There was intense struggle defining my life experiences and presenting my view in a way that would satisfy the requirements of my assignment. My need to receive an "A" for every submitted work was borderline debilitating. I would honker down in my basement apartment for days at a time to create but rarely satisfied my self-expectations. Ambivalence ruled at that point in my life, I was all over the board, spread thin by considering a vast spectrum of possibilities; conditions and circumstances that may or may not have ever actually occurred. Today I think about that time, and much of the time preceding, as a nightmarish fantasy. Ah we are a strange lot, at least this kat can be. For the life of me I cannot remember the title I gave this work, a 36 slide Power Point presentation written in metrical structure that was accompanied by two selected classic rock songs and one piece by Leonard Cohen, The Future, from the soundtrack of Natural Born Killers. For the record I have that Power Point saved in an old computer that I am too lazy to take out of its box. I might find that B+ (yes I was disappointed) effort one day just for the rush I expect to get for reviewing it. What I do remember is the sub-title: A diffused life (hence the title of this write). The poem below came to mind earlier today as I was thinking about what has been written above. I decided to throw this poem in the mix because, well, it is just something I want to do. I do not need "A's" any longer, do not even need a "B+" for that matter, I just need to satisfy my want to share stuff that is important to me along with hope that the reader finds some level of measurable value in my effort to express myself in a meaningful way.

Somber View

Deformed Bones
deranged mind
Questions
unwanted sacrifice

Are these consequences of past
or current times
Or gifts
to overcome
in this life

Choices
Some known, some forgotten, some misunderstood
The driving force behind
would and could

And thoughts that bring disharmony
sorrowful self-pity
A cry to be
anything but what is currently me