It's a Friday afternoon about time for lunch when the phone alert hit me. The chime sound (no matter how many times I hear it in a day) always gets my attention. Who knows, might just be a bank alert. Many times it ended up being the telecommunications company sending broadcast messages, very annoying the fact that no day passes without MTN, Airtel or Glo sending you some random messages. Lately Domino pizza and Bolt have picked up the jinx.
Forgive me for digressing a bit, however, its been really annoying. Especially when you're so expectant, hoping you'd get something from your company at the end of the month, a client or maybe even relations and then the notification sound alerts you only for you to find out that its not the bank, just MTN or Vodacom telling about their new tariff, the 10th in less than 3 days. Phew!!!
Source
Well so my phone chimed, and no, it wasn't the telecommunications company it was Andre.
Xup bruv, the boys would be hanging out at the the bush bar can I send in a reservation for you?
Such a dilemma.
Emilia is gon be so mad at me if she meets my absence at home. I had promised her we'd see "The Old Guard" at the cinema today. All her friends have seen it except her. I'd have loved to but the after discussion was what I dreaded.
Bode, my big sis asked after you.
I told her work is getting the best of you.
Oh dear, I'm so sorry.
I feel like I'm never ready for that meeting but I promise you I'll meet her soon.
I've been making this promise for too long now its beginning to sound like a broken record. I could feel guilt sipping out of my skin every time I utter those words.
According to Francis...
That's how they start.
First is "Meet my kid sister"
then its "My big sister's birthday is next week, please come with me I don't want to be lonely".
You'll now go there forming macho to protect your girl.
Soon her mom is sick come and say hi before you know it you have become an in-law ooo.
Looking at myself now I have already passed the kid and big sister level. I'm now on the big Aunty's level.
I immediately made up my mind to go with the boys. I quickly responded...
Sure thing bro, definitely need the break. First round is on me.
See you soon.
It is 05:13pm WAT and I was already putting finishing touches to shutdown for the day when an incoming call hit me.
It was Andre
Hey bro I'm just rounding up now, see you in the hour.
I'm parked across the road
His voice sounded so dull and weighty, quite distant compared to the energetic vibe previously in his SMS.
I peeped out the office's glass wall and there he was below the 7 storeyed building.
And across the road?
Usually Andre would find an excuse to sneak his way into the office and harass my female staffs yet there he was seated in the drivers seat.
He didn't even step out.
No!!!
Something feels off
I finished up and signed out of the office to join a sulking Andre.
I have never seen a human swap between moods the way Andre was fast mastering the act.
One minute was all chatty and naughty, next minute he's sober and almost shedding tears. There was the angry version of my friend too.
What could be killing my friend so bad he couldn't tell me without being under the guise of an influence?
I had no option than to be patient and wait for to unveil at his own pace and time. So I took less beer since obviously he wouldn't be driving us home, that responsibility now rests on my shoulders.
How is Emilia?
Oh finally, he has asked me about my life or someone in my life? Well that's progress I thought.
She's great.
Just that she'd be mad at me already.
(Pidgin) I suppose don go see her since but I just ignore her. And my phone dey switched off self, I sure say she go don call me tire.
I was still trying to hold in a conversation about when he continued...
Am I a bad husband?
His eyes probing like the Senate president presiding over the hearing for the enquiry into the expenditures of the Niger Delta Development Commission.
No!!!
On the contrary
At least not from where I'm standing.
He dropped his head, circling a finger around the bottle neck of his beer.
Did something happen between you and Feranmi?
He looked up and there it was, his Achilles's heel. He was tearing up by this time, his tipsy eyes misty.
He opened his mouth but words couldn't come out instead he was acting a GIF image of a figure reaching out his hand and. gasping for air.
He picked himself up and walked out of the bar hastily. I walked to the bartender to offset the bills and request paper towels.
I found him by the passenger side of the vehicle retching. I felt sorry for this poor soul, how much he must be suffering.
Why do we humans allow situation eat us deep inside. When we could just let it go? We often bother ourselves with things that we cannot change.
Whatever is bothering Andre must indeed be serious. He's too much of a happy carefree soul to be worried about random issues.
I walked up to him and handed him the paper towels.
while we were still courting, Feranmi missed her period.
We weren't ready for the marriage proper and we didn't feel like pregnancy was the right way to force the hands of fate so we settled for an abortion.
We had no choice.
The pain was excruciating for Feranmi and the excessive bleeding didn't help either.
She opted for a no sex relationship afterwards and I couldn't object, obviously.
I couldn't stand it so the next option was a vasectomy.
He paused as if judging himself that though we've been friends for so long he's kept this details from me.
Can we get into the car? I'm freezing.
Before i could even reply, he had already started for the door. So much for courtesy.
Well, I agreed to do the Vasectomy.
He continued.
Years later, we were joined as man and wife and I had the stitches removed. However, we couldn't conceive.
He paused...
All the doctors kept saying the same thing
He paused again
Low sperm count.
oligospermia is what they called it medically.
Bode, this is why we've not been able to have a child for 2years of our marriage.
I felt relieved, first because my friend was going through all this trouble because of his inability to father a child.
Wow!!!
Secondly, I feared worse that Andre might have impregnated another woman and now he's looking for a way to tell Feranmi.
I saw...
(Sobs)
I saw Godfrey under my wife...
I felt a deep pang in my heart.
Gory images of Godfrey's stunted frame under Feranmi.
Feranmi with all that booty...
And legs...
Ah!!! Those sumptuous chested melons.
If Feranmi could have an affair it shouldn't be that Ode, hood for nothing, kiss and tell joker na.
Ha!!! That babe fall my hand
And I'm here ooo she didn't gimme signals.
I am disappointed, angry, feeling cheated and angry again.
Source
I had one last visit to the doctor to collect the results of the last exercise and my sperm count had increased, so I was rushing home to break the goodnews to my wife when....
My wife was naked on top another man begging him to squeeze her breast as she closed her eyes and was riding him.
Same way she rides me, in my house and on my bed.
My friend was now crying, with good reasons too.
I could feel the blood flowing hot in my vein.
Oh!!!
If I catch Godfrey eeh!!!
He's ass is toast
What about me?
What am I to do with my wife?
If I had stayed in that house any longer I'd have committed murder.
I still want to commit murder that's why I came to you.
All makes perfect sense now I was the logical one amongst my friends and the go to guy when they run into difficulties in making decisions. However, on this one I am so glad yet so upset that I wasn't the one Feranmi cheated on Andre with.
I couldn't say no to her.
Now I have to advice my friend and I lack words.
Thank you for reading.
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